Lending A Hand If You Need One...

Mercy, how the time has gotten away from me these days! Both hubby and son have been home this week and we've been getting a lot of stuff done but my blog has woefully fallen to the wayside. Time to fix that.

There are so many great end-of-the-year blog posts this morning. Lots of reflection of the year past and plans for the new one ahead. As for me, I am none too thrilled about my lack of weight loss this year. It's true that I'm slightly lighter than last year at this time but I should have been able to do much better. The biggest obstacle I'm dealing with is stress - maybe to the point of it interfering with my weight loss as the stress hormone cortisol holds onto fat with both hands. Both parents are dealing with terminal illnesses and the family, which should be helping support each other, is instead disintegrating. I've at least come to accept what is versus what I wish it were - but it is still a very painful situation. The stress will only continue to increase so my method of coping has to keep pace.

My eating hasn't been great but it hasn't been awful either. I'm happy with the level of exercise I'm doing but more things have to come together for the whole thing to work. So here's my plan for 2010:

Try yoga to help cope with the constant stress.
Get back to food journaling.
Drink more water.
Try a personal trainer and get these workouts, well, personalized.
Lose 30 pounds.
Travel more.
Have more fun.
Post a picture of myself.

Okay, so that's not the most awe-inspiring post of all time but it suits my needs for now.

I'm so happy to have gotten to know so many of you this past year. You've made the journey far more inspiring, encouraging and fun than I ever would have thought possible. I applaud everyone who has accomplished what they sought out to do and offer my hand to anyone who still, like me, has farther to go.

Happy New Year, friends! I hope it's the best one ever.

Giving Yourself the Gift of Blogs

Merry, Merry Christmas!

As the Christmas season is speeding towards a close and you may find yourself scrambling for last minute gifts at your local gas station or drug store, might I propose a number of gifts I've enjoyed all year that can be found right at the end of your fingertips on your keyboard.

For true inspiration and never-say-die spirit, look up my friends Shelley, Kari and Diane. There is hope and wisdom and a way back to a sane life with their words and actions. They've been there, and are doing that so each one of their stories is something you can completely relate to.

For a good laugh, there are my co-blogging friends Crabby and Jo whom I have the honor of joining at Cranky Fitness. And what list would be complete without Jack Sh*t when it comes to laughing out loud while providing lots of motivation at the same time. And Camevil's got just about the sharpest wit of all as she pursues her dream career of first zombie lawyer - and losing maintaining weight. You just know there's going to be a roast beast at her dinner table this holiday season.

For downright smarts about fitness and motivation (and just about the nicest person around) there's MizFit. Miz has teamed up with another of our weight loss blog friends, Shauna the Amazing Diet Girl, for some terrific pod casts as Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone.

And while the Two Fit Chicks cover the workouts, my friend TJ is a constant source of terrific and creative light eating. I wish the girl would write her own light cookbook. I'd be first in line. She's also another inspiring story in terms of weight loss.

Just about everyone in our little blog neighborhood is a gift so take a nice long tour and be sure to stop in and say hello.

And a very Merry Christmas to those of you celebrating it! And a very happy day off to the rest of you. I hope 2010 brings us closer to our goals. Enjoy!!!

Could Be Worse...

....Could be raining.

Okay, so I got on the dreaded scale this weekend after being away for quite a long time. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but still...I'm up a bit from my recent lowest reading (+1.4) but considering all the stress and holiday goodies arriving daily, it could've been a lot worse.

So back I go to holding myself accountable (when will I ever learn?) and weekly weigh-ins. The numbers may not move as quickly as I'd like them to but at least I won't be pretending they're not even there.

Things That Happened When I Stopped Paying Attention

"Whoa! It isn't that bad....yet!"

Geez - when was the last time I weighed myself on a regular basis? Seems like back before "Law & Order" went into re-runs. That's a bad thing when one is part of a weight loss blog community and started out "with the very best of intentions." Okay - there was a time when I hit a plateau and was so touchy as to the scale readings that I stopped doing it for a while to prevent the likely negative psychological effects - also known as "flipping out". And then a few injuries had me scaling back my workouts so I really, really stopped regularly checking the scale. And then before I knew it (3 or 4 months later), I'd fallen out of my accountability routine and am just rolling along like I was in my pre-blog days. Not good.

I am a little scared of stepping on that scale again but it has to happen. I never was the type to weigh every day so I'm not going to get all obsessed about it. I know I will get upset for having dropped the ball and retraced my steps back into Deucetown again but it's time to face reality. Sure, there are lots of parties yet to attend and then the big Christmas feast but it can be managed.

Along with ditching my regular weigh-ins also went my semi-careful eating habits. It seems I have never been able to do many things half-assed - except, of course, losing weight. When I throw in the towel, I throw in the rest of the laundry too. Acknowledging the problem is always the first step, right?

I've already had breakfast and coffee this morning so it will have to wait until tomorrow, as I've always weighed myself first thing in the morning and with as little clothing as possible so as not to scare the dog (who runs around naked all the time, I might add, and it never freaks me out).

Here' to getting back on track.

Which Comes First - Happiness Or Weight Loss?

C'mon, get happy!

It's a very cold, windy morning here and I'm sitting in my office at my laptop listening to the radio station that plays Christmas carols nonstop while sipping my coffee. I am having a very rare happy moment. Ahhhh, I wish it could last forever. I wish I could share it with all of you. I think some of this new-found contentment comes courtesy of a book I've been reading lately called, "Happiness Now" by Robert Holden. In it, he points out the importance of experiencing the "now" of happiness - the present moment - and not looking outside of yourself to other people or other things, to the past or to the future for it. It's all within you if you just stop long enough to get quiet and let it rise to the top. Or so he claims. So far, so good.

I think I've spent a lot of my life looking outward for the answers - including thinking that once I lost all the weight I needed to lose, I'd be so much happier and suddenly be enlightened as to the ways of the world. But I think it might work the other way around. I think happiness with oneself brings about feelings of worthiness and deserving of good things: emotions often found lacking in people who've had life-long weight struggles. No one can make us happy or fulfilled except ourselves. Oh sure, money and good looks open a lot more doors and I wouldn't turn down either but in the long end, those superficial things don't define your character. Sorry - I don't mean to go all Wayne Dwyer on you. Just thinking, is all.

Any thoughts, friends?

So Much To Do, So Little Time

I've been so bad at posting lately - there's just so much going on this time of year. Today we got about 6 inches of snow so that was the little extra monkey wrench thrown into the works. Had to clear it all away before the sleet and rain came around noon otherwise it's like lifting wet cement.

The teen turned 14 today!! Time is flying. We're also having our big family party here this Sunday so there are lots of preparations to be made and cleaning (ugh!) to be done. Still have to decorate the tree and move all the Christmas presents and wrapping stuff from my dining room/staging area to some closet that isn't already jammed.

I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately and that has turned into one small eating frenzy but luckily there was nothing good in the house to eat. You know you've got it bad when raisin bran looks good. Anyway, I'm staying as organized as I can so that I don't fall into the snack trap again so easily.

Happy Hump Day! Hope you're all doing well.

Welcome To Onderland: Population: One More

I finally crossed the border into Onederland this morning under heavy sniper fire from Turkey and Gravystan troops. Whew - it feels great to be here after SUCH a long plateau. Mentally, it feels like a big road block has just been lifted and there are green lights as far as I can see.

Thank you all so much for your support and inspiration. You've made this part of the journey so much more bearable. I hope I'll be seeing you all for the next 30 pounds.

Breaking Even

I hope you all weathered the Thanksgiving holiday with your regimens and emotions still intact. It's always a white-knuckle time of year for me - sometimes things go just fine and other times it's like having a live grenade in the room - I know something's gonna blow; I just don't know when. And unfortunately, I never really know which way the holiday's going to go until I'm through it. As I'm sure you all know, it's mentally exhausting and that mental exhaustion tends to lead to old bad habits like comfort eating. It's comforting alright - right up to that last bite and then the remorse hits you right between the eyes.

This Thanksgiving went pretty well and I'm happy to say I behaved myself around the dinner table. Yes, there was that brief interlude with a slice of pecan pie but I didn't then go on to sample every other pie in attendance. One and done. I finally worked up enough courage to step on the scale this morning and I'm still stuck right where I've been the past few weeks - straddling Onederland and DeuceTown. Not down but not up.

To get myself through the next 30 days I've been doing a lot of reading about how to shore up my emotional stamina. I know how the diet and exercise thingy works but it's the mental part that really turns the key for me. If I can finally teach myself that I'm "deserving" of attaining this goal, I can reach it - as hard as that is to admit. You all have been great at helping me stay on track and I'm so grateful for your encouragement and inspiration. Let's keep helping each other get to where we want to be.

Talking Turkey and Other Stuff

"I think you've got me confused with my predecessor."

No wonder he pardoned the little guy. A naughty little laugh for you all before you start feeling the stress of the holidays hit you like a ton of bricks.

As for me, I am not starting off the holiday season on the highest of notes. While I've still been good about walking every day (elbow is still being worked on at physical therapy), the eating has been off the charts bad. You know, it starts with forgetting to get something for dinner which eventually rolls into going out to eat which morphs into bad choices. I did that two days in a row - clearly my learning curve is skewed downward. The one day of the week that always wreaks havoc with me is when I visit my parents in CT. I leave their house around noon and stop at any fast food place nearby as I'm ravenous at that point and want something for the long ride home. It's a bad habit I've allowed myself to develop and will now attempt to pack a lunch instead and completely bypass the deep fried alternative. It's always an emotional day for me and I'm reverting back to those bad "comfort food" habits I've been working so hard to break.

Thanksgiving Day itself should be a little easier to bear than in the past. My brother is hosting this year so my husband and I, for the first time in 10 years, won't have to take the movable feast from our house in MA to my parents' home in CT. This has always involved my husband leaving our house early in the morning so that the turkey can be put in the oven down in CT. I follow a few hours later with all the side dishes and most favored grandson. The extra special bonus this year is that three of the usual troublemakers at the holidays will not be present and for that I am extremely grateful. This is such an added bonus in terms of my stress levels before, during and after the event that I think it will make a real difference in how I manage the first of the big eating days this holiday season. Here's hoping, anyway.

Hope you're all having a good Monday!

I'm Not Dead Yet

Ah, yes - I love a little Monty Python in the morning.

I've been hiding under various rocks this past week trying to get my head in a good place. I've gotten much better at my food journaling and have even gotten to a new low with my weight - down another pound and just this close to onederland. And I am fighting as hard as I can against the mindset that is blocking me from doing better. I have been bumping up against this next goal weight like a demented moth against a screen door and am sick of this self-sabotaging cycle I'm stuck in. It's like I haven't given myself "permission" to continue losing weight. Does that make sense to anybody else? To help get past this I have been weighing myself a lot less in hopes that the next time I weigh in I will have broken through that barrier. My thinking is that if I'm not putting it in front of me every single day I won't be putting unnecessary pressure on myself and might just succeed. There is such a thing as over-thinking a situation and letting it get under your skin.

I'll try to update more often but it all depends on how I'm progressing. In the meantime, today and tomorrow I'm posting at Cranky Fitness. I'm there every Thursday and every other Friday so stop by and say hello.

Shhhhh.....She's Thinking

I have been sooooo bad at staying in touch and blogging. I credited blogging with helping me lose this initial weight, which is in the ballpark of 20-25 pounds these days. But now it feels like it's turned on me - or more correctly put, I have turned on me. It has provided me so many instances of inspiration from fellow bloggers but now that I've come to a virtual halt in my weight loss, I find myself comparing my results (or lack thereof) with those of others....and it's bringing me down. I am thrilled for all of my friends who are still getting the job done but then I say to myself, "So what have you done lately?" and it's starting to feed on itself more than I'd like (no pun intended for a change). So I'm stepping back a bit, trying to "gain" a little perspective while getting my head wrapped around this again. I know I have the power to do this but feel like I have lost the balance and motivation that once had me moving in the right direction. I'm getting so tired of writing/whining about how stuck I am and can only imagine how dull it must be to read.

I'll still be here and cheering everyone on. Hopefully, I'll be back at it sooner than later if I can get past this self-imposed barrier of self-sabotage. Must think positive thoughts.....

(photo: Lilachd)

Where Are You?

Hi friends! I'm over at Cranky Fitness today and tomorrow so stop in and say hello.

Re-start

I'm more than stalled in terms of losing weight - I'm plain stopped. I've been losing and gaining the same 2-3 pounds for what seems like months now. Time to reassess.

While my exercise has stayed constant and kept my spirits fairly high, my diet is in dire need of some attention. I have strayed from keeping my daily food journal - which is what I think led to my earlier success - and I feel I am in full self-sabotage mode. The journaling is easy enough to pick up again - the squirrels in my head are another matter. But as the saying goes, nothing succeeds like success.

When I first noticed that I had stalled I took my foot off the gas a little - maybe I was trying a little TOO hard (which I've never been accused of at any other point in my life). Maybe if I didn't make the weight thing the be-all and end-all of my existence then things would start to happen more naturally. Well, that sure didn't work so it's back to basics for now - starting with picking up my food journal again. I don't want another year to end without achieving this goal. It is certainly very doable but I just need to get out of my own way.

Don't Get Me Started

Greetings from the living! A few days ago my computer was attacked by some virus that completely shut it down; even engineer hubby couldn't figure it out. It was brought to a big retailer that boasts their data retrieval skills and yet only the teen's and hubby's data was restored. Hmmm...is this some karmac payback from another life? In any event, we've finally caught up with the rest of humanity and invested in a laptop - from the Flintstones to the Jetsons in 48 hours.

Since it's still unclear whether or not my entire work and personal files will be found - and there are A LOT - the stress has sent me over the edge in terms of making bad choices. It all culminated last night with a visit to Burger King on the way back from my CT scan. The scan wasn't the worst of it as I feel pretty confident there's nothing wrong but the Waiting Room was like a skit right out of Saturday Night Live. Although the four other people arrived at different times they all seemed from the same trailer park - with all due apologies to the trailer parks. Our ring leader, Alma, started the conversation about bagging a dear which led to Darryl talking about taxidermy, which lead to Alma saying how she gave the deer head to her brother. Revolting hunting and stuffing coversation ensued. Then Darryl and his other brother Darryl began comparing notes about their nasal cavities history with one of the Darryl's describing how his doctor really "augered" the hell out of them during his second surgery. Honestly, it was like that SNL skit with Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest as nightwatchman talking about inserting meat thermometers in their ears with ballpeen hammers - only this wasn't made up and it was really freaking me out. I took a couple of walks but couldn't go too far away as I didn't want to miss being called. I was finally called and they pretty much could've operated on me without anesthesia and it still would've been a step up from the waiting room experience.

I was SO relieved to get out of there that I felt I "needed" something to calm me down and so fell back onto a bad old habit of fast food. It was on my way home, I hadn't had any dinner yet and I really needed a "treat" after such a disasterous few days. These are all the thoughts I convinced myself of as I ate my dinner consisting of enough caloric content to fuel a class M sun for a few weeks. Regrets? Yes, I had a few but then again, too few to mention. It was the not-so-crowning touch to end a very upsetting week.

It's good to be back online and on plan again. Now I've just got to figure out how to recreate as much of my missing stuff as I can and pray that the cyber gods will smile down on me for the rest. By the way, Jenn at Watch My Butt Shrink - I have been having the hardest time accessing your blog these days so shoot me a comment to let me know you're hearing me. And Dancing in the Moonlight - I've left lots of comments that never show up. Just wanted to let you know I visit whenever you post.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Booster Club

I need some help here, ladies. While I have lost some acreage around my belly and butt, it has not moved far enough north to make much of a difference with Ethel and Lucy. I don't wear underwire because it's just so uncomfortable but every other bra always rides up in the back no matter what I do or how it fits in the store. I want to stay in a positive frame of mind but when the girls are running too far south of the border, it's hard to look good and feel good - never mind marvelous. So ladies, any suggestions that don't include underwire?

Express Lane

I have to go to the doctor's today for a follow-up on my reflux problem. Great. As you would expect, the only thing I'm really nervous about is the weigh-in. Wish there was an express lane just for face-time with the doctor. I might even pay extra. Maybe that's the solution to defraying the rising cost of health care - take a couple of extra bucks from everyone who wants to skip being weighed. Hello, Congress? Anybody listening?

I've been good about exercise and most of my eating. I still feel like our dinners are too heavy for that time of day and must think of some ways to lighten those up - especially since it's dark so early so walking after dinner really isn't an option.

Some stress factors are dissipating and I'm grateful for the extra breathing room. While trying to sell his late aunt's house (which is also a rental property and in another state), my husband had to deal with 2 scumdogs who wouldn't vacate and it looked like we'd miss the closing because of them. Sometimes, however, the good guys win as my husband's persistence and patience seems to got them out...but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed until it's signed, sealed and delivered.

Hope you're all having a good day.

Well Said

For anyone who has hit a major bump in the road or feels completely stalled and wonders whether this fitness journey is worth the trouble, please consider the following words:

"If you don't have the time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over?"
-John Wooden

"I'll Start Again On Monday"

It's been a while since I weighed in and that's because I knew it would be bad news. I avoided the scale almost as much as I did my diet and exercise. I finally got up the guts to do it late last week and was up about 2 pounds. Grrrr. I have no one to blame but myself. Granted, there were circumstances beyond my control but I took longer than I should have to get back on track. And I still think I'm sabotaging myself when it comes to breaking through to Onederland. The closer I get, the longer it takes me to reach that goal. Time to reassess.

I am still good with the cardio and walk or do elliptical for 45 minutes a day but the upper body weights have been sidelined until I get through physical therapy for my elbow. It seems whenever I start something new to change up my workout regimen, something else blows a gasket - and I am not going overboard with whatever new challenge it happens to be. I start out slowly and build up but every now and then I get a pain that won't go away. And then the doctor wants to wait a couple of months to see if it goes away on its own before prescribing PT; all the while telling me not to exercise it. Very frustrating!

"I'll start again on Monday".....oops, it's here! Hope you all have a good one!

New Exercises For The Insanely Busy

credit: stubailey

Oh my, it's busy season again. My posting is bound to be sort of sporadic these days as I've got some new busy-ness that's keeping me...well, busy. In case you hadn't heard I'm now co-blogging with Crabby and Jo over at Cranky Fitness and loving it! But I'm also in full fund-raising mode for the non-profit and all the year-end scramble that goes along with closing out the financial year too. And then there are the holidaze that are fast approaching. So how does a gal fit in a work-out with so much going on around her? Here are a few activites that I'm counting as exercise during this busy season - although the caloric burn measure is still a little iffy:

- Running off at the mouth
- Losing my head
- Losing my mind
- Swimming against the tide
- Going for broke
- Kicking the can down the road
- Running in place
- Running on empty
- Swimming in quicksand
- Spitting into the wind (not highly recommended)
- Treading water
- Jogging my memory
- Chasing my tail
- Walking on eggshells
- Hopping mad
- Diving for cover

Have I left anything out? Let me know.

Take Yer Own Advice, Why Dontcha

Getting back on track is proving a mightier task than I originally thought it would be. All the stuff that got put on hold while the teen was sick has proceeded with its forward, tsunami-like movement until I am rooted to the spot with overwhelmed-ness (when under stress I tend to invent new words or re-tool great words to make them even better). This has led to some clandestine meetings with the fridge - harkening back to the coping habits of old.

In better days I've preached from my soapbox that emotional eating can be conquered. First you have to ask yourself if you're really physically hungry. Nope (I mean "nope" to asking myself that first - not if I was actually hungry). Then you have to distract yourself with all those other busy things you thought of to keep your mind off the "hunger" until it passes. That would be another no. Then you have to cut yourself some slack and not let a little mistake snowball into an "all hope is lost" mentality; thereby opening the gravy floodgates. I did a little bit better with this as there currently is no gravy in the house and WD-40 makes a lousy substitute.

Okay, blog about it and try, try again. Okay - that's better.

Back With The Program

Oh dear - it's been too long since my last post. The teen got pretty sick and was up at all hours of the night coughing and hacking. September's always a tough month for him (I think going back to school has something to do with it) as he has asthma and his lungs are very touchy. October will probably bring stigmata. But I digress.

So after a week and a half of being up until 4 am with the teen and sleeping until the construction noise next door started up at 7 am, I got completely thrown off plan. Exercise consisted of bicep curls with the handset as I waited for the doctor's office to put a human on the other end of the phone. Not quite Michelle Obama arms but damn close. Eating wasn't out of control but was certainly less than thoughtful as there are just so many ways to prepare Spam. I feel like I'm back to square one but it is what it is. Scooby the wonder dog and I finally got in a walk this morning and while I was grateful for my newfound freedom, it was tempered by the fact that I kept getting lapped by the senior set. Hey, it's a start.

I hope you all have a great weekend and I'll try to stop by and say hello to you all.

"I'm Not Worthy!!"

I got this here Honest Scrap Award from my friend V and must list ten things about myself that most people don't know about me. Seeing as I lead perhaps the world's most boring existence I have really had to "scrap" for things but here goes:

1) I used to perform stand-up comedy at open mic nights and even though I was scared out of my wits, it was one of the greatest thrills around (when they laughed, that is).

2) I am such a believer in the positive power of humor that I started my own non-profit to spread it around to those in need of it most (www.agoodlaughinc.org).

3) Even though I was raised by an uber-feminine mother, I prefer things a little more on the tomboy side: comfortable clothes and sneaks and a preference for sports as entertainment than say bridge or shopping.

4) I am scared to death of spiders.

5) While I'm a very sociable person, I am also a homebody and the clash of the two generally leaves me feeling anxious and unsettled most of the time.

6) My father was a state senator for 6 years and then made an unsuccessful bid for Congress from when I was in grade school up until high school and I spent much of that time wishing he wasn't. I also consider this the time when my sense of humor started developing as I would often be in awkward situations when his name came up and would use humor to deflect. I also become enraged when I see the media and others go after the children of ANY politician. The kids did not choose the public arena - their parents did.

7) I don't drink alcohol much but don't mind if others do - unless it starts getting sloppy and then I'm out of there.

8) I should listen to my gut more than I do. I have wound up in some very messy situations when I've ignored my instincts and the older I get, the messier the situations become.

9) At age 52 I'm still wondering what I'll be when I grow up.

10) I used to look to others when I needed to make a decision - I was always worried about making a mistake. These days I make them by myself all the time and no one's died yet so I must be doing okay.

I'm supposed to tap 10 others but there's just no way I could narrow it down to that. I hope you all do a "10 things" list - it's fun and everyone gets to know you a little bit better.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Bless Me, Bloggers, For I Have Sinned - But I Just Don't Feel That Bad About It

I've always been of the opinion that if you're going to screw up, make sure you go big. And big I did at the little office party on Wednesday night at a very swanky steakhouse. Ninety percent of the conversation revolved around work but that was to be expected so I just played Tammy Wynette for the night. However, the food was fantastic and so I made sure I tried one of each: lobster crabcakes for an appetizer (the greatest combination of two foods since mac & cheese and Ben & Jerry), filet mignon with mashed potatoes that must have been made with lots of cream and butter, and then I split a seasonal fruit cheesecake with hubby. Notice how I threw in the phrase "seasonal fruit" to 1) make it sound a little healthier and 2) distract you from the "cheesecake" that followed it. I ate it all and didn't regret a single bite. It has been ages since we've been to a restaurant where the wait staff weren't wearing hair nets and Clearisil - AND it was being paid for by the company. It would've been a sin to feel bad about that.

The teen is still down for the count. The doctor thinks it's post-nasal drip that's irritating his vocal chords, resulting in all the coughing. But since the introduction of a few new drugs on Wednesday, the coughing is still horrendous and lasts well into the wee hours of the morning. I have a call into him this morning in hopes of some new enlightened treatment he has up his sleeve. Wish us luck.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Welcome to Hell

This was supposed to be the week that I caught up on everything as there were no appointments or travel on the calendar at all - just wide open spaces of time and possibilities. Ha! So much for the best laid plans.

The teen has been up the past two nights with what I think is reflux coughing fits that have been lasting until 2 am so he hasn't been to school. Yesterday I waited 1 1/2 hours to get a live person on the peditrician's phone only to be told that there were NO more appointments available for that day - and it was only 10:15. Combine it with the fact that our next door neighbors have been remodeling their home since May and have the slowest and loudest contractors in recorded history (waking up to heavy equipment moving, nail guns, table saws and leaf blowers promptly at 7 am) and I am working on my last nerve. Today is the icing on this crumbcake as I am meeting my husband's co-workers for the first time since our wedding 18 years ago for his 30th anniversary on the job. I think it's safe to say I won't be the life of the party.

Exercise, which has powered me through many a stressful time, is non-existant as the only thing left to me here are weights and my elbow is still hurting so that's out. Luckily there are no chocolates, ice cream or guns in the house so I should be safe until this blows over.

Hopefully the doctor will have some solutions and the teen will be back at school shortly. I'll try to catch up with you all when possible. Happy Humpday!

(P.S. I wouldn't look that good being dragged to Heaven.)

Good News

I finally broke through the dreaded plateau I've been in for the past few months or so - but not by much. I'd been between 202 and 204 (actual lowest was 202.4) and was really struggling mentally, like when is this going to pay off and why is my "progress" so glacial? Over the weekend I finally weighed in at 201.2 - a full 1.2 pounds lower than my recent lowest. Whew! And I didn't even have a sausage, onion and mushroom pizza to celebrate (not that I was even thinking about it, right?!).

So okay, now that I'm not obsessing about never weighing less than 202.4 in my lifetime, I've had time to focus in on my inner bitch and would love your input about the latest family antics. My husband's neice is getting married in a few weekends even though she already eloped but this is the party for the families. The wedding has been in the works for months now and while both families (as well as the bride and groom) have plenty of money between them, my husband's sister emailed him this morning that they "weren't able to find a photographer" and would he do it? He already said yes - how could he say no? They are having a very modest reception back at her house (to which the teen wasn't first invited) and I think she's just trying to cheese out on paying a professional - so now hubby is going to be running around all day snapping pictures instead of enjoying himself as a guest. Is it just me or does this strike anyone else as incredibly cheesy?

Catching Up

Hello, friends. It's been a few days of insanity around here and I've missed checking in with you all. The teen had a couple of controlled asthma events and then yesterday was wailing like a cat stuck in the vacuum (hmmm...how would I know what this sounds like, you ask? That's for another post.) because his back hurt. No Mom, it has nothing to do with the cool but bad-for-your-back messenger bag I use or the continued wolf-boy hunch at the dinner table. The boy is wearing me down.

The sick parents are holding the line although my Dad was dropped by Hospice because he recently had a stent put in a carotid artery and so they've made a judgment that he will live longer....except it was his emphysema that got him connected with them in the first place and that's just as bad as ever. Hearts and lungs - they just don't work as well independently as together, you know? I think they're going to take another look at his case.

Under the category of almost TMI, I had my mammogram this morning at 8:30. I practiced all day yesterday by slamming my car door on Ethel and Lucy. And as usual, no powder or deodorant could be used so the teen and I were virtually twins this morning.

I stopped at the grocery store after the mammo and because my clothes were quite loose on me and my weight is back to its recent low, I was in the reward mode. I came this close to grabbing a blueberry bagel from the bakery department - you know, the kind that are the size of an inner tube? But I physically forced myself to look the other way - down the cat food aisle - and cruised past the beckoning bagels. Score: Gigi - 1, bagel - a big fat bagel. I'll reward myself some other way today that doesn't involve food.

One last thing. Could Jillian Michaels have behaved any more like an f-bombing, cat-scratching, raving lunatic than she did on the opening of The Biggest Loser a couple of nights ago? Grabbing people by the collar? That's motivation? Maybe that passes for normal in the Marine Corp or your local TJ Maxx fitting room but from a trainer? No thanks. If she ever laid a hand on me like that she'd be pulling back a stump. I'll do what I usually do for every season of this show - watch the last 15 minutes of the last episode to see all the befores and afters.

I'm off to catch up with you all.

Plateaus and Muffin-tops

Many thanks to all of you for your great suggestions. The hunger disappeared after a few days and I am close to my most recent all-time low weight so maybe I'll be pushing through it soon.

Over the weekend I took advantage of the big sales at some clothing places. The good news is that I didn't have to shop in the Women's section. The bad news is that the Misses department is like the Miami airport the day before a hurricane hits. Man, talk about the great unwashed. It almost made me want to browse in Women's again.

It was a coolish morning - not cold - and so the a/c was automatically shut off; as was every other ventilating piece of equipment in the mall. The lines to check out were long and slow and as luck would have it, I got behind the woman who was buying 12 items from the $5.99 clearance rack and contesting every f-ing price that rang up when scanned. The incredibly bad jazz for background "music" was really the icing on this crumbcake.

I also noticed a disturbing new trend in fashion: foundations/support built right into the dress. Rather than offer the plus size customer any sizes beyond 14 (and this was a big retailer and there was not ONE dress in the entire store at a size 16 or beyond. Keeping us shackled to those fugly pantsuits I wouldn't dress my dog in), their idiotic option was a petroleum-based garment with that super tight binding spandex that was supposed to smoothe those size 16 and ups of us right down into a 14. Oh yes, what a concept. Talk about muffin-top in the extreme. So much of my fluff was pushed so far down it looked like I was wearing a petticoat. But the real fun started when I tried to take this monstrosity off. Of course, with the lack of proper ventilation, this body stocking had already adherred itself to my ample form. I tried pulling and pushing and considered dialing 911 at one point. This thing needed its own escape pod. I eventually outsmarted the so-called garment with my body parts intact and airway once again unobstructed but my dignity the consistency of swiss cheese.

I bought a few decent things in a 16, which was pretty good for me. But the Wrath of Gigi needed to leave her mark before she left (I so apologize for talking about myself in the third person but I love the company). So I took every size 14 and beyond from the back of the rack or bottom of the shelf and put them in front or on top. Let all those skinny little gym bunnies do some bending and pushing for a change. Let the retailer give the impression that it actually embraces and respects the larger shopper. A girl can dream, can't she?

Crazy Hungry

Oh my - yesterday was like having a tape worm the size of Philadelphia - I was starving All.Day.Long. It got off to a bad start with the good-for-you but non-filling oatmeal. Fiber - check. Hunger - off the charts. I would've stolen food from nuns and babies. Lunch was high protein egg salad wrap with lettuce. Perhaps it was the Chinese variety because an hour later I was hungry again. Chicken for dinner - another good choice but once again I was starving within an hour and went to bed hungrier than ever.

Days like this have happened in the past and I'm wondering if it's biology or poor food choices. Any ideas, friends?

Keeping Score

I got to play tennis with my friend yesterday and she still kicked my ass. But I had a blast. I noticed there was a small window of time when I was playing very well...until she announced the score - and then it all started rolling downhill very fast. Just like the numbers on the scale - once I reach a new low (talking weight here so no snide remarks, please) the self-sabotage mode kicks in. I think it has something to do with low self-worth and feeling that somehow we're undeserving of success or happiness. Are we putting and keeping ourselves down before someone else does it for us? I don't know but I remember feeling that way growing up - if I could make fun of myself before someone else did then it wouldn't hurt so badly. But I'm an adult now and supposedly don't give a sh*t about what other people think. Still, it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks.

I've mentioned that being half Sicilian automatically makes me a world-class grudge holder. Yes, I can still remember the ashtray some cheapskate guest of our wedding gave us almost 18 years ago. I can still remember my college roommate making fun of me for chasing my boyfriend down the hall after an argument when her nickname was "The Stalker" for her unrelenting pick-up tactics in her ever unsuccessful search of an actual boyfriend of her own (and no, I'm not bitter - just catty). Being a world-class grudge holder means you excel at keeping score. But there's a distintion.

Keeping score of things like having a food journal or how much exercise you've done is a good thing. Counting your blessings every day is a good thing. It's GOOD to keep track of good things. Keeping score of times when you've dropped the ball or made an honest mistake is useless and self-defeating. When I see that new low number on the scale, I'm momentarily thrilled until I remember the last time I tried to lose weight and failed and how I'm just certain history is going to repeat itself again. Same with the tennis score. I've lost to her so many times that my mindset seems geared to just letting it happen every time we play - even if temporarily I'm outplaying her. These are not good things to keep track of. They keep us in the victim/Charlie Brown mode of "I can't do anything right". They keep us down and smother any chance of us reaching our full potentials in life.

I'm back to journaling my food and exercise again. Almost every day I use the wonderful cookware that another wedding guest gave us. I'm keeping a daily gratitude journal to focus on the good instead of the bad. I don't keep in touch with The Stalker anymore although I hear she's still on the prowl. You don't have to be Sicilian to know how to keep score - just be sure that it's the good things you're counting.

Thumbs Up For Blogger Buddies

Thank you, all, for the terrific suggestions! You've all given me a second wind with your support! As I'm a lousy swimmer and still can't get to the place I need to be to walk freely in a bathing suit for water workouts, I am still walking about 40 minutes a day and will increase that by 10 minutes to see if that makes some difference. When I return to the gym (the weather's just been too nice not to walk outdoors) I will use the weights on the lower half only.

I think my biggest focus needs to be on my food. While I think I'm being careful, I have let the journaling fall by the wayside so I'm sure a lot of stuff is sneaking in where it shouldn't. I also need to lay off the salt and drink more water. The emotional component of my eating is on the rise as both of my parents are very, very sick and it's almost some primal force that's pushing me to my old comfort habit of eating junk. I know, I know - we all have something to deal with but now that I've identified the cause I can be more cautious in those situations.

I hope you all have a great holiday weekend! And thanks again for your help.

Stalled

I've been hesitant in writing this post because I feel overwhelmed by so many success stories out there and feel a bit of an imposter by not really being one of them. Oh sure, I've lost some weight but given the amount of time I've been at it, it should've been a lot more. Last year there were plenty of times when I got sidetracked - but only two that really should've counted due to illness or injury that prevented me from working out. The other few times are when I got lazy.

And then 2009 came along and I told myself "No more excuses". Since January, I've lost 11 pounds but in the past few months I've been hovering between 204 and 202. Because I had become so frustrated at how long it was taking to lose weight, I stepped up the intensity and joined a gym in June. Three weeks later I injured my elbow which has not allowed me to use that arm for weights. And so it'll be another month or two before that's back to normal. And that's the Catch 22 - whenever I try to up the intensity of the workout ever so subtlely to hasten the weight loss (and I'm not talking wildly exotic stuff like trapeze manuevers or hauling car transmissions to the attic), I wind up losing ground because of some nagging little injury and have to dial back my workouts to just t-mill or elliptical.

I'm so frustrated at my lack of progress but will keep doing the minimal workouts until my elbow heals. But does anyone have any ideas on how to up the workout intensity without continually injuring this middle-age body of mine? I am really struggling with this plateau so any input you'd have would be most appreciated.

"There Is Nothing That You Can't Do"

All politics aside, the attached will show the emotional video of a grateful child to his father's belief in him. If only we all had someone who believed in us so ardently in our developmental years, how much less difficult would our struggles seem now. I feel that believing in ourselves is often learned from whomever raised us - and the more the confidence they had in us, the more we had in ourselves. It is a lonely journey when you feel no one but yourself is in your corner. Here's to all the parents who have made a difference. Grab a tissue.

Still a Little Steamed

The weather has gone from hot and humid for the past month to cool and crisp today - but I'm still a little steamed.

As I'm sure you're aware, any time you order something online, you are then on a lifetime mailing list of catalogs that chew up about 34% of the rain forest. They're all over you like a cheap suit, like white on rice, like a dog on a pork chop, like a....well, you get the idea. During my quest to find a plus size bathing suit earlier this year (to dismal results), I ordered - and later returned - a bathing suit from let's say "Plus 'R Us" (completely fictional - but hey, I might be on to something here). Anyway, they claim their catalogs cater to women of size 14W to 44W and YET.....all the models in said catalog are no larger than a size 6 and are positively swimming in the clothes. And it's a pretty fair bet that if they have a catalog for misses sizes, they aren't employing plus size ladies to model them. Safe to say I won't be ordering from them again.

Hello - retailers? We've had our share of misunderstandings with you in the past - clothes constructed of crappy, petroleum-based material, sparkles and Disney characters affixed to same, women's departments the size of a closed fist, anything with a size W after it is always on the lowest shelf. Oh yes, you've had your fun with us and don't think we aren't keeping track, because we are. But really, Marketing 101 tells you that when you're trying to attract a particular group of people, it's best to use one of their own - not their polar opposites. You don't have nuns swilling beer, Evel Kneivel selling insurance, Bernie Madoff endorsing stocks or dogs humping cat food (unless, of course, that cat food is shaped like a human leg).

Do you think we wouldn't notice or that we're dumb enough to be tricked into thinking that if we bought those carnival clothes from you, we'd look like a size 6 too? We may be fat but we're not stupid. Stupid is what this marketing campaign is and while we may be overweight, we're doing something about it. However, as the saying goes, stoopid is forever.

What's Up Doc?

Well, my doctor friend/tennis buddy is at it again. Lately it seems that whenever the temperature hovers around 90 (which has been the past 3 weeks or so) and the humidity exceeds all civilized levels, that's always the time she calls to set up a match. I bagged out last week but if I bag out too much she'll find a new tennis buddy - and I can't let that happen. So we're on for this evening at 6:00. The mosquitoes have already made their dinner reservations for the same hour at court 4. As I am the larger and slower moving of the two of us, I will be the main course - unless sweat and massive BO act as a repellent. Film at 11. At least if I stroke out she can tend to me while we wait for the paramedics.

I have been working out even harder than before since being told of the hiatal hernia. I had hubby look up the causes and resolutions online as I'm far too suggestible to read medical documentation of any kind - always assuming that I have every side effect listed. I keep forgetting - does suggestibility imply intelligence or inbreeding? Anyway, hubby's findings back up what the doctor's office told me: the FAT from my abdominal area has pushed organs and other bits to places where they don't belong. If I lose the FAT, everything should return to their normal positions. Just great - a chinese fire drill going on in my GI tract.

I have also been keeping my eating at night to a bare minimum as acid reflux is another spin-off of this lovely condition. Maybe it will help speed the weight loss along. I have been stuck at just above 200 for eons and really want to break through to the 190s in the worst way. I have also decided to weigh myself once a month - at the end of the month - so as not to lose focus from a bad number or improperly calibrated scale (usually the latter).

Hope you all had a great weekend. Happy Monday!

Greetings From the "Me First" State

I don't know about you but I function much more efficiently when I'm in a good mood. This, unfortunately, runs contrary to the part of the country in which I live. The South is known for their hospitality, the West for their laid-back approach toward life, the Midwesterns are just plain nice as can be.....and then there's the Northeast; New England in particular.

While we pride ourselves on having a lot of smart people doing a lot of smart things at some of the world's best universities, hospitals and businesses, this does not always equate to a well-developed sense of the world beyond the end of our noses. Hence the phrase "book smart". I should mention that I do NOT consider myself in that crowd. I'm the rare friendly New Englander who just barely graduated college with a degree in Finance and a PhD in honkin' good times. I was brought up in the unassuming southeastern part of Connecticut - not the Gold Coast that is Greenwich and New Canaan; playgrounds of the rich and famous. Oh no - we're not like that at all. We're much more modest and polite. But when I moved to the outskirts of Boston, all bets were off.

I like to think that if our state had a motto (other than the lame-o Latin variety that I'm sure already exists), it would be "Me First" - and that's only because "Get the F*ck out of my way, you lowlife gravy-sucking pig" wouldn't fit on the state seal. Aside from my cirlce of friends, I find the common Masshole variety rather rude and pushy on a very consistent basis and quite the damper to my normally sunny disposition (cough).

Enter the "NCV" - the Non-confrontational Victory - sort of like our favorite NSV (non-scale victories) in terms of pride of accomplishment and yet it is defensive and preventive in nature. Allow me to demonstrate.

1) (Preventive) You've been shopping at a wholesale store and are using the self-checkout lane. The woman behind you clearly thinks her time is more important than yours and starts ringing up her order before you've finished getting your stuff off the belt and safely into the carriage. Her palette of Diet Coke is about to crush your dozen of eggs. Solution: make the last item you ring up something the next person in line wouldn't want her stuff to be touching - drain cleaner, fertilizer, adult diapers, leaky chicken package. You get the picture.

2) (Defensive) The tailgating loser with the small penis and fancy sports car is right on your ass. Road rage in Massachusetts is a particularly virulent blood sport. The old school method of braking suddenly does not always have the desired outcome, such as rear-end collisions. Solution: spray your windshield with washer fluid as your car is in motion. This drives the aforementioned loser apeshit - especially the BMW drivers - as your afterwash is now all over his fancy sports car. I become almost faint with glee as I see him pull his Sham-Wow from his glove compartment as he looks for a field of clover in which to pull over.

It's all about staying positive because that's what gets results and keeps you in the game. Anybody out there have their own NCVs to share?

Thank You!

I was fortunate enough to receive this Lovely Blog award from my friend V yesterday and thank her for thinking of me. I'm supposed to share the love with 15 other bloggers but just can't narrow it down so please visit any of the wonderful bloggers I have highlighted along the left margin here and you won't be disappointed. Thanks again, V. The journey's so much more fun with people like you along for the ride.

Sky High Dilemma

Reading about Shelley's exciting upcoming Hawaiian vacation had me reminiscing about my honeymoon there 19 years ago when I weighed a scant 140 pounds - for probably the first time since kindergarten. (Once the honeymoon was literally over, however, I took the approach of "once you've caught the bus you can stop running" and packed on about 80-90 pounds: the souvenir that keeps on giving.)

My husband and I were about to take a helicopter tour of Kauai and while we were waiting for the other couple who would be joining us, I took the opportunity to use the ladies room. I returned to the lobby and it looked like we were ready to go as the other couple had arrived. Before the sun comes the rain and my husband took me aside and explained while I was in the ladies room, he had to list how much we weighed so that the weight could be evenly distributed in the helicopter to avoid any problems in flight. "I put you down for 120 pounds," he said. "Is that about right?", he asked as he tip-toed through the minefield now and forever known as "my wife's weight". What's a girl to do: 'fess up and play by the rules or die with a smile on my face?

52

While I was away on vacation (and many thanks for all your good wishes) I turned 52. I don't feel anywhere close to being that old but my graying hair and sporty new moustache are telling me otherwise. I thought I'd share 52 things about myself (it is SO all about me, isn't it?) that maybe shouldn't see the light of day but here goes:

1) I am fiercely loyal.

2) I am shy to the point of appearing aloof until I get to know you - then hilarity ensues.

3) My favorite season is fall.

4) Being half Sicilian (from the waist up), I can hold a grudge like it's an Olympic event.

5) I love dogs.

6) I love walking barefoot.

7) The beach is my favorite place on earth.

8) I used to listen to Barry Manilow in college without being drunk or stoned.

9) I think common courtesy has become uncommon (sigh).

10) I can swear like a longshoreman.

11) I'm generally more comfortable in the company of men.

12) I'm sarcastic as hell - but in a nice way.

13) I'm incredibly impatient.

14) I used to be what I thought others wanted me to be but now I could give a shit.

15) I feel I've wasted too much of my life being afraid of things.

16) I would never be friends with a woman who couldn't drop the occasional f-bomb.

17) I wish I had taken a different career path out of college and now fear it's too late.

18) I worry that I'll never figure out what I was put on this earth for.

19) I love collecting inspirational quotes.

20) I'm scared to death of spiders and snakes.

21) I'll stop whatever I'm doing if "Jaws" is on TV.

22) I love hearing my son laugh.

23) My favorite actors are Gene Hackman and Robert Deniro.

24) I love playing tennis.

25) I'll never forgive my sister.

26) I thought I had the best childhood ever.

27) I wish I were more spiritual.

28) I love to shop for books but clothes shopping is a chore.

29) I love to hear Italian spoken.

30) I wonder why I'm keeping myself so fat.

31) I don't understand why people become less fun the older they get.

32) I love anything written by David Mamet, James L. Brooks or Jane Austen.

33) I love good comedy - Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, Dana Carvey, Monty Python

34) I love "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes.

35) I'm surprised at how overly entitled my generation seems to have become.

36) I finally realized that critical people are very insecure.

37) I never expected to like blogging so much and meet such great people doing it.

38) I'm a big sports fan.

39) During my (very) single days, my gay boss offered to set me up if I'd only switch teams.

40) I still rely too much on other people's reactions to me.

41) My dream job would be to work with Tina Fey or Kathy Griffin.

42) I appreciate kindness and humor.

43) I love any of the Hostess snack cakes.

44) I love severe weather as long as I'm safe at home.

45) I need to challenge myself more.

46) I am in awe of the people who serve in the military.

47) I'm getting better at not having to have the last word.

48) I wish I were more spontaneous.

49) I love that my husband works and plays so hard.

50) I love making my father laugh.

51) I miss my mother.

52) I had a tough time using "I" so much.

Vacation Time

Of course we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto - it's vacation time and we're going to the Cape. Woo hoo!

I truly need the vacation and hope the time away will re-charge my blogging battery. In the meantime, here are just a few suggestions of the many wonderful blogs I check in with that you might enjoy (if you don't already).

For information on the whole fitness thing, there are none better than Cranky Fitness and Miz.

For best-friend feeling and boon companions, check out Patty, Tina, Shelley, H.K. and Big Girl.

For passing-liquids (and some partially chewed food for the nasally enhanced among us)-through-your-nose funny, you can't go wrong with Jack Sh*t.

Summer reading at it's best! See you all in 10 days.

Have Mercy

So it's 9:00 and I'm getting a bit of a late start on my workout because the teen is back home again from boy scout camp. (Please note: postings will be erratic as long as he is in a 10 mile radius to the computer and the haz mat crews are coming in and out of the house to help sanitize the camp locker.) So off I go on my newest gym friend, the elliptical. The gym's already a little crowded so I take the elliptical at the very end of the row, against the wall. The row in front of the ellipticals is comprised of bikes but hardly anyone uses them - until this morning.

A pretty young thing and her buzz-cut muscular boyfriend saddle up on the bikes in front of me. The pretty young thing is having muscle boy show her how to work it (press on pedals - repeat in circular motion - continue as desired. Don't want to overload the circuits on the first day). He is decked out in a muscle tee shirt with "insane blah-blah-blah posse" written on the back. She is wearing (mostly) a black lacey bra somewhat surrounded by a police-do-not-cross-yellow-tape colored tank top. Her ta-tas are reminiscent of Desi Arnez pounding on his famous Cuban bongos, belting out "Babaloo" and even the casual onlooker is getting quite a show. I, however, am front row center (not of my choosing) and would desperately like my money refunded.

Lady Tata takes the bike directly in front of me when I notice the bright white thin jersey boxers with the turned down waistband that are posing as workout pants. Former plumbers I have employed in their squat positions have me fully prepared for the lastest generation's version of "butt crack". I am holding my breath as I do NOT want to have to see anyone's butt crack right in front of me. I feel like that character in "A Clockwork Orange" with his eyes taped open: I just cannot avoid this view. I notice next that it appears she's going commando as well although I am far from being able to confirm outright; some self-preservation skills are still functioning through this visual assault. They begin pedaling and flirting, flirting and pedaling and then - mercifully - they're done. Ellie Mae and Jethro are off to their meeting with Bob Guccione and/or Abacrombie & Fitch.

Dispensing with all other forms of gym etiquette, these two leave without having cleaned off their machines. I'm just about to call the Board of Health as Lady Tata almost surely must be reprimanded for her commando tactics and Lord only knows what's going on under his camouflage crops. I mean, come on, at least use some deli paper if you're not going to clean things off. But I am satisfied at this point that they have moved on and are providing some other gym member a good story for the dinner table tonight. School is less than a month away. There is an end in sight - only a good one this time.

Fill 'Er Up or Coast On Fumes?

Does anybody know - or at least feel like throwing out an educated guess - whether it's a good or bad thing to exercise before eating breakfast? I mean, is it like driving down the highway with a flat tire or driving down the highway in a sleek, aerodynamic car? I do eventually eat breakfast as I am of the tribe of No Skipping Meals (I do so love to eat) so I'm not talking about going off the reservation in terms of eating. Geez, I'd pretty much have to stop breathing before I ever stopped eating.

Anyway, I read somewhere (could've been a comic book) that exercising before food burns more calories faster because there's nothing in your stomach for your metabolism to metabolize - sort of like being in some nitrous state I guess. What do you all think: tank empty or tank full?

Healthy Lifestyle, My Ass!

Safety alert: there is nothing wrong with my ass. Except that it is too big. It isn't as big as it was a year ago but that seems to count for donuts (mmmm....donuts). Or at least that's the impression my doctor gave me over the phone as she was telling me that the result of the barium swallow x-ray was that I have a mild hiatal hernia and reflux. All can be made good again by taking another med and "losing weight". Bitch. Bitch in a white coat who's never had a weight problem in her life. You could've lessened the blow by saying "lose more weight" but noooo, why encourage Little Lotta?

Call me crazy but a long time ago when I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day, I was the picture of health. All the trouble got started when I quit. The old axiom really is true: winners never quit and quitters never win. So I quit smoking and got married and you all know how the other saying goes - once you've caught the bus, you can stop running - and promptly put on about 80 pounds. Since reaching my peak of 229 a couple of years ago I got myself off the meds that had the crazy side-effect of weight gain (which little miss white coat never mentioned at the outset-bitch squared!) and started cultivating a "healthier lifestyle" - and it's been nothing but trouble since then. Since losing about 26 pounds overall I thought I'd start seeing some benefits healthwise. But my varicose veins are worse, I'm still on statins, still have sleep apnea and now this hernia deal and all I ever hear is "lose weight". Okay, I'm doing that but apparently not fast enough. My concern now is that at this rate I'll get to my goal weight some day and be told that I have a month to live.

Okay, my rant's over and if you think for one second I'm going to let this unappreciative doc get the best of me and I'll start comforting myself with Little Debbie and Big Gulp, you'd be wrong. It's on!! I'll see you in the examing room in January, girl, and I'll be bringing it. Prepare to be awed.

We Interrupt This Blog...

Well friends, here is the stump of the summer I've been dreading where I'm acquiring a nasty sunburn on my scalp because I've pulled out every hair on my head. Yes, the teen is home all this week and the first week in August so I will probably be incommunicado for much of it. I did not have the foresight to invest in a laptop so my access to this lone computer is severely compromised - not to mention my mental health. And even if I did get a good chunk of time to write, my attention span is the consistency of swiss cheese and I could not form a complete thought or coherent topic if my life depended on it. (In just writing this single paragraph I have been interrupted three- nope, make that four- times for issues I have already addressed with him - chores, homework, pet care - or his constant state of hunger in which his arms seemed to have suffered some bizarre form of paralysis that makes it impossible for him to access the fridge or cabinets himself. Oh, he's good - the old Chinese water torture technique - the constant drip, drip, drip of whining and complaining which is almost guaranteed to make me surrender unconditionally.) Who's a happier homemaker than me? I feel like I'm channeling Sue Ann Nivens.

I'll do my best to keep up with reading your entries as I marvel at your abilities to form thoughts and put them into words. I hope to rejoin the living soon.

It's F-ing Good For You

After years of working with men I acquired a bit of a nasty habit: swearing like a sailor (with all due apologies to sailors - they are no match for Wall Street types when the market is eating its young and they haven't had a commission in over two months.). Sorry, but I yam what I yam. But lo and behold, it turns out that cursing may hold some benefits after all - aside from being considered "one of the guys" in a guy-dominated business. I reference this study and while I don't exactly encourage swearing as the main form of communication, it does seem to carry some impact when the occasion calls for it. And let's face it, this weight loss journey has more than its share of frustrating and painful moments.

When my son was about 6 years old and riding in the car with my husband, he used the phrase, "b*tch *ss". (I'll wait for you all to exhale. Yes, little boys have been known to say naughty things.) He had just started taking the school bus and well, let's just say there were some pretty shady 6th graders throwing around some BMOSB (big man on school bus) curse words. But my husband obviously thought it was my doing. "B*tch *ss?!" I said in defense of myself and slightyly amused at this particular phrase,"that's not something I use." I hastened to add, "Now, if you ever hear him saying 'rat f*ck son of a b*tch' - that's mine." And to everyone's obvious delight, he never did.

One of Those Days

It has been a frustrating morning. First off, I had to go to the local hospital for a barium swallow x-ray. Sounds like some nefarious character from a Batman movie, doesn't it? Barium Swallow and his sidekick, Phlegm Maxim. The hospital is only about 10 minutes away but every major road that leads there is under heavy duty construction - as if the drivers in Massachusetts need another reason for road rage. The x-ray assistant was sweet as could be and that's probably to offset the asshole doctor he was working with. The doc did not speak English well at all and so when he wanted me to move or cough and I couldn't understand him, he started manhandling me and shoving me around. He had the bedside manner of a jackhammer. Okay, so having my gums scraped seemed pleasant in comparison but it eventually came to an end.

Next, on to the mall to return some stuff and continue my quest for a pink tee-shirt and some decent workout clothes. While roaming through JC Penney, a woman who appeared to be a sales lady asked how I was doing. My guard went up immediately as I know the sales ladies don't have that kind of down-time to saunter through the lingerie department. And I was right. She was a roving credit card solicitor - did I have a JCP card? No. Would you like one? No. Are you sure? Excuse me but did I stutter - I said NO! I literally had to put my arm out to give her a phsyical cue to shut the f up and move along. Great - now they have face-to-face telemarketers with instructions not to take no for an answer the first 12 times they hear it. Yet another reason to shop online.

Next on to Sears where I always ask myself the same question when it comes to finding larger size clothing there: is there any other place on earth where so much crap is stuffed in to such a small space? Clearly, this is where crap goes to die.

I came home feeling like I had ants crawling on the inside of my skin. It was just one of those days. I ate a decent lunch but must confess I ate a little more than I should have. Comforting myself with food is a hard habit to break but I caught myself before any real harm was done. So now I'll just have to sit with these feelings until they pass; say around December. But at least I won't have the added frustration of having chosen food over feelings. I'm sure I'll feel good about that when my ears stop venting steam.

Cheap and Flattering

Cheap AND flattering? No, I'm not talking about what the office Christmas party Santa is whispering in your ear after a bucket of margaritas. I'm talking about the tee shirts I found at Walmart this morning made by Hanes under the name Just My Size or JMS.

You'd never know there was an effort to stamp out the obesity epidemic in this country given the scarcity of decent workout apparel for us plus sizers. My conspiracy theory is that the powerful snack food lobby is suppressing the clothing manufacturers from making workout clothes that actually fit and flatter. We are, for lack of a better phrase, their bread and butter (pizza & beer, soda and salted nuts, ice cream and hot fudge....you get the idea). It's in their interest if we're fat and stay that way.

Oh sure, we can always buy those oversized men's tee shirts that come in 3XXX that viewed from behind make us look like two dogs fighting underneath a blanket (credit the late Lewis Grizzard for that gem). Or you could choose from the Women's offerings embellished with Mickey Mouse, Pooh and morning glory motifs. These are supposed to make us want to buy them? But as most of us know, we usually wind up buying them for the fit and not the fashion.

This morning's find was only $6.00 each and you do have to cull through some pretty awful tee shirt "art" to find the ones that won't get you stopped for creating a disturbance. The sizes run a little small so don't get bummed out if you usually wear 1X and have to go to 2X to make it work. It also has a flattering v-neck, is somewhat fitted and falls to about mid-ass.

Apologies for the missing photos of you lovely followers. It must be yet another glitch that comes without warning and leaves when you're just about to pop a vein - sort of like family. Hope you're all having a great Tuesday!

Birthday Parties, Helpful Hints and Teeing Off

Whew - the party's over. I did pretty well at avoiding the known toxic people and fatty food and it was pretty smooth sailing. But as one would expect from being in the presence of a thin person, the "helpful hint" did come up. Doesn't it always? And is anyone besides me sick to death of people offerring their stinkin' advice when it wasn't asked for in the first place?

So I'm talking to this woman - a family friend about 75 years old and in terrific shape. She, her husband, my hubby and I are talking about golfing - something hubby and I would like to take up again now that the teen wants nothing to do with us and would love to have 2-3 unsupervised hours alone (He hasn't found the nanny-cam yet. Who's the smart little mommy?). This woman and her husband golf frequently and she was telling me all the benefits of it and when she got to the word "exercise", she looked directly at me, raised her eyebrows and nodded her head - as if the word were quite foreign to me. These facial gymnastics of hers were the equivalent of bold, italic and underline if she were in writing mode. But alas, she was in preaching mode. Oh, if you could only please speak a little more slowly so I could really understand you, Yoda.

So here's what I said back to her: Oh yes, of course. (As in, "isn't that interesting? Tell me more about this "exercise" thingy because as you can see from my shape I have little to no experience with it")

And here's what I said in my head: Yes, Wanda, it might interest you and your ballpeen hammer subtlety to know that I've actually heard of exercise and am employing it quite frequently these days. But as long as we're sharing here, let me offer you a lesson in common courtesy that you'll never acutally know you've been taught and that's because I know how to keep my mouth shut when it comes to embarrassing or humiliating people in front of others under the guise of "helpfulness". That said, you really ought to do something about this habit you have of dressing 40 years your junior. Mini-skirts and AARP just don't mix. Glass houses and people throwing stones? Ditto. So please, just zip it.

The following day, hubby and I went to the driving range to brush up on those old golfing skills - teeing off on balls, not people. My helpful hubby wanted to know if he should use a wedge or a driver to help me get that chip off my shoulder. How could I not love this guy?