"Last Meal" Mania

As one of the wonders of being over 50, I am entitled to my first colonoscopy. TMI? Sorry about the Scope Dope but I only bring it up as a lead-in to my current problem. As part of the prep work for Wednesday's fun fest, I can't eat any solid food all day tomorrow. This, as any over-eater can imagine, has set off my binge alarm and I'm afraid that I might cave in to answer its siren call.

As anyone who has failed at diets as consistently as I have knows, the real reason for the lack of success is the notion of deprivation. Let's call it more than a notion - let's call it stone cold hard reality. I cannot be deprived of things and still find myself in a positive enough frame of mind to complete such a momumental task as losing all this weight. I've worked hard these past few months to get myself to a place where I can eat what I want - in moderation, with occasional splurges - and make sure I exercise every day, being conscious to raise the level and intensity as needed. I have forced myself accept a little weight loss over a long period of time - the old "Baby Steps" model - even though I am an instant gratification freak.

So as visions of mac and cheese and Chips Ahoy dance in my head in anticipation of being deprived, I must take a step back and get some perspective. I am only being asked not to eat for a day and a half - I am not going to the electric chair; therefore, I should resist the "last meal" mentality and suck it up. I may give in a little but if that's what it takes to get me over the hump, so be it. I am trying to get through this weight loss journey as best I can and without the self-sabotage that has brought me down before. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It never was as black and white as that and it never will be and I'd do well to remember that.

Playing The Cards You Are Dealt

Oh my! An entire month has flown by without an entry. But the good news is that my weight is down 1.6 pounds. It has been one of those months dominated by stuff that would have typically knocked me on my ass and off my mission. In days gone by, I would've become so overwhelmed with my problems that I would have thrown in the towel and sank into the deepest pool of self-pity I could find. Bad times happen to everyone. Life is unpredictable and stressful. I currently feel I'm in the middle of a "Perfect Storm": the combined stresses of sick and aging parents, a son entering adolescence and myself smack in the middle of menopause. Every day feels like I'm driving a dump truck with a tricky axle through a nitroglycerine factory. But perhaps the only good thing about getting older is I've finally come to realize that life is ALWAYS going to be this way and my choices are either to adapt or fail - and I'm so tired of failing. In fact, 214 pounds worth of failing.

We can rise above our circumstances. As the popular wisdom goes, you can't help the cards you're dealt but you can certainly learn how best to play them. So in spite of bad times I'm pushing myself forward to achieve my goal. Every day that I don't let the negative forces beat me down is another day that I've bettered myself and built up something you don't hear a lot about but is essential for a meaningful life: character. Gradually, all those days build up to form a good habit; be it daily exercise, a more positive attitude or riding the waves a little better. That is what I'm after - not the newest, quickest "diet". I want change - permanent change - that will last me my entire life. This time I'm working from the inside out as I believe that is the secret to permanent weight loss.