Best Weight Loss Advice

As we round the corner to 2009 and so many of us have resolved to keep focusing on weight loss instead of waiting til New Year's, I thought it might be fun to ask around for the top three things you've done this year that have made the biggest impact on reaching your goal.

I'm still a bit of a neophyte here but the top three things that have made the biggest difference for me were 1) exercising at least 30 minutes every day 2) drinking more water and 3) when feeling the urge to eat, asking myself if I'm really physically hungry.

So what about you? Post a comment and share the wealth.

The Sister "Hood" and Me

Whew! I survived another Christmas. I know, I know - it's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year - and at some future date it will be for me. But as I've chronicled before, I have a very difficult family and being around them - especially the younger sister - is like driving a garbage truck through a nitorglycerine factory. I survived this holiday but not without the usual sideshow my sister consistently engages in. It's her version of the high school popularity contest. She is 50 and as best I can figure, is so jealous of me and the good things I have in my life that all she can figure out to do is try to diminish me at every turn - especially at the holidays. She is one of those unfortunate people who can only build herself up by tearing someone else down. She is a person of means and lavishes multiple expensive gifts on everyone in the family - except my husband and me. She does not acknowledge us when she shows up late as usual and leaves after packing herself up all the leftovers instead of leaving them for our sick parents. My father gives her money every year and asks her to buy gifts for the rest of the family on his behalf. She will buy everyone something thoughtful except, again, me and my husband. This year, instead of getting me a sweater in a size which is obviously too small, she bought me a vest in a size larger than what I wear and in that ever-slimming color of white. In short, another effort at humiliation. She will put on her usual "Giver of Gifts" show after dinner in which she will sort all the presents and assign the seats of everyone there. The gifts for my husband and me were left at the two chairs farthest away from the inner circle of the other ten people in attendence. She tries as hard as she can to diminish and belittle me and I used to let this bother me but I had a revelation yesterday.

I have noticed that lately her physical appearance has taken a sharp turn for the worse. Although she is younger than me by 14 months, her looks have become very haggard, making her look as if she's 5 to 10 years older. She has gained an enormous amount of weight but continues to dress as if she were her old skinny self. I'm not saying any of this to be catty but it appears to me that all this negativity with which she has been living her life seems to be backfiring and turning itself inward. The poison of hate is rotting her from the inside out.

I don't know exactly where this relationship went off the tracks. She has always been a difficult person - very quick to anger and assign blame away from herself. She sets very high standards for everyone but herself. In the past 15 years or so I have become the main target for her rage. My parents and brother have always made excuses for her or refused to become involved and so she has taken this as tacit approval of her behavior. As the people pleaser, I never wanted to upset the norm and so was fast on my way towards becoming the family door mat. And as I allowed this behavior to continue, my family took that as tacit approval of their behavior. The breaking point finally came 4 years ago at Thanksgiving when my sister took issue with me for throwing away what she considered perfectly good dinner rolls. Since she is never part of the preparation or clean-up at the holidays I took issue with her finding fault and suggested if she felt so strongly about the rolls then perhaps she should be helping out in the clean-up. She turned on me with such a vile stream of vulgar language and insults - which she has been doing to me in private for years - except this time she did it in front of my 9 year old son, my husband and my mother who has Alzheimer's. Enough!

My mother was shaken and crying and my brother took both of us for a walk. But in typical fashion, he refused to become involved. Hey, he wasn't her target so why should he jump in, right? Even if it was the right thing to do it wasn't impacting him in a negative way so he took the easy way out. I was shocked that he could be so indifferent to her cruelty towards me. If the situation were reversed I would back him to the hilt. But everyone in the family, to my great disappointment, excused her behavior yet again. But not me. After taking some time to think about it I wrote her a letter and let her know that her treatment of me was unacceptable and that she was no longer allowed to call or visit my home as long as she continued this verbal and emotional abuse. As I expected, she never apologized or has shown any remorse and my father, to this day, finds fault with ME for cutting her off. I used to try to justify myself but not anymore. The pain had gotten too much to take. I now throw it back to my father and ask him if his brother ever treated him like my sister treats me. And mind you, this is his sainted brother who tragically died at the age of 47 and was loved by all - so I was very hesitant to bring him into the fray. But it had the intended effect. "How would you like to be treated this way by a member of your family,Dad, and have no one object? How would that make you feel?" He hemmed and hawwed but I think he finally got the message - I wasn't taking it for one minute more and if he wanted something done about it then he needed to be talking to my sister - not me.

I suspect that my father has never confronted my sister about this. Perhaps he realizes that she took many of her lessons from him and that is a painful realization for any parent. My parents are now both very sick and this has taken center stage, as it should. I have grieved for the fact that I cannot force my family to treat me as respectfully as I treat them and that in this very trying time of our parents' illnesses, we will not be looking to each other for comfort and support. It has been a one-way street for far too long and has taken a substantial emotional toll on me but it has finally taught me a hard-won lesson: I am no longer looking outward and to others for approval and acceptance - I am looking to myself. It is a tough transition to make given my years as a people pleaser but know that it's the path to peace of mind and self-acceptance. And maybe with the self-acceptance comes the self-love that will finally convince me that I am worthy of treating myself with dignity and respect and will win this battle of the bulge once and for all.

Stressed for Success

I know that anything eaten alone, over the sink or directly in front of the fridge does not count calorie-wise. But what about things eaten in the pre-Christmas frenzy? Are those calories null and void as well - under the, say, Santa Clause? Does stress count as cardio? Will my aunt mind that some apple crisp crumbs happened to make their way into her gift box? Can I pretend that it's artificial snow - thrown in to make the present more festive and seasonal? Or would my reaching in with a moist fingertip to pick up the "snow" after she opens it up blow my cover? Is tracking real snow into the house by an "adult" male (aka "husband who should know better") a basis for justifiable homicide? If not, how about my bitchy sister intentionally giving me a ribbed knit sweater (ribbed knit = extra cling factor) two sizes too small? Hey, it's not like she's the skinny one anymore. Not since menopause and marriage hit her right between the eyes. (You know what they say about getting married - once you've caught the bus, you can stop running.) My present to her? Re-gifting last year's tight sweater.

Okay, so I'm a little stressed and have been eating whatever is handy and devoid of nutrition - especially devoid of nutrition. I had hoped to be a lot more organized and therefore not so susceptible to the mindless eating currently underway. I had also hoped to be a lot closer to my goal of weighing 200 lbs by New Year's Day. But by anyone's standards, this has been a tough year and I shouldn't start heaping more misery on myself about missing my goal and eating Toberlone for breakfast. Things will right themselves soon enough...probably after the son and husband return to school and work on January 5th (oh happy day!). I'm also probably suffering a little cabin fever as the weather has been relentless and we've all been locked up together for days (Donner party of three? Your table is ready). I'm going to be taking hostages if the bad weather doesn't let up pretty soon.

I have clearly let stress knock down my front door and start going through my dresser drawers. It is always an uninvited guest this time of year. I've lost track of my goals and let the craziness of the season take over. So I've reminded myself that my next most immediate goal is my doctor's appointment on 1/6 in which I need to show some tangible weight loss (from July at 221). I've lost some weight but it should've, could've, would've been more. I admit that for the past couple of months I have really been half-assing this whole weight-loss mission. I can't let stress push me around like this (that's what family's for, right?). But instead of waiting for New Year's to make a resolution to do better, I'm doing that today. Why lose all that time and even feel worse about myself then than I do now? I can do this if I put my mind to it.

I'm Dreaming of a Lite Christmas

As I hung one last string of Christmas lights on the house yesterday I felt so very sorry for the tiny little metal step ladder I was abusing. It is one of the old kind without those numerous irritating warning labels and safety features - as evidenced by my nearly severed fingers from picking it up at the wrong angle and having it slam its sharp metal edges shut tight into its folded-up position...with my fingers inbetween. The house looks nice and with one more string of lights I think I'd be classified as a public utility.

But back to the missing labels..specially the maximum weight limit. Oh, I know I must have been exceeding maximum overload as those two tiny little steps groaned each time I called them into service. I was nervous the thing would give way at any minute and was so relieved when it didn't. How would I explain this to the ambulance crew as they strained to lift my bulky frame out of the snow bank and onto a strecher? But it brought me yet another reminder of the serious work I have ahead of me. I had to put it in the same "I really need to lose weight this time because...." category as the surprised look on people's faces who haven't seen me in a while and don't recognize me underneath all this weight, chairs with arms and restaurant seating getting way too close for comfort, not being able to cross my arms across my chest, leaning in to take a bite of my dinner only to have my enormous boobs actually push my plate farther away from me, etc... And yet for more times than I'd care to admit, I revert back to my old ways, thinking that the magic of Christmas will somehow lighten my load. As if wishing ever made it so.

So I wonder what incidents have prompted you to start on your weight loss journies and have you had any success in overcoming them? And how do you stay focused? Let me know.

The "X" Files

One of the things I'm most looking forward to as I approach normal-sized status is no longer having to wear any "X" rated clothing. The "X" used to refer to XL, which I wasn't too bugged about because as any borderline plus size person will tell you XL is really the new L. But now that I've entered the realm of 1X, and even 2X sometimes, I find myself going to great lengths to conceal my clothing tags whenever I remove a coat or sweater. I haven't been this self-conscious about labeling since I was in college and was forced to wear the old Levi jeans that had the huge waist/length tag attached to the outer waistband - and this was long before they ever thought about making jeans in women's sizes. So in order to get the jeans to fit my child-bearing hips versus the guys' ironing board physique, the waist measurement measurement on the tag would actually be my larger hip size - and who needs to advertize that? Of course these days I'd kill to have my old college daze measurements back.

I never thought I'd get to be a size 20 - although I seem to be slipping back into 18 territory lately. I always thought some sort of audible alarm would go off when I reached size 20 but I never heard a thing. Maybe it was just drowned out but the sound of chewing. Funny how you accept some stuff you never thought you would. But now the thought of leaving that all behind has got me very Xcited about the future.

Taking Some Credit

Good news - December's weigh-in was down 2.6 pounds. I don't know how that happened given the party food, interrupted work-outs and general stress and disorder...but I'll take it! I have been drinking a lot more water to stave off this Sahara-like dryness that winter brings - altho today it's almost 60 degrees, following a weekend of devastating ice storms. Go figure. My weight seems as crazy and unpredictable as the weather.

My biggest concern now is to continue the momentum. I have a miserable record of sabotaging myself whenever I've made some progress. It must be some emotional issue about not feeling deserving of good things that is on some crazy do-loop in my head. I battle it constantly, not just with my weight issues but in other relationships and ventures. I've done lots of reading addressing this kind of thing as it is the number one trap that I fall into time and time again. I know all about the nutrition and exercise necessary to get down to a normal weight...it's the bats in my attic that need a good sweeping out. Time to pat myself on the back a little and keep the thoughts positive.

Off the Wagon

For the past few days I've been eating like I'm going to the chair. Only ONE last meal?! I don't think so. And as much as I've been trying to figure out what's driving this I admit I haven't made much progress. Maybe it's the weather. We're in the middle of an ice storm now and I awoke at 3:30 am to the crashing of a tree way too close to the house and feeling sure that if I were awake, no harm would come to us. So as long as I'm on sentry duty and the power is still on I might as well be productive about it and post.

Last night I kept having a craving for something that wasn't in the house...I didn't know just what it was exactly but after consuming vast quantities of other food, discovered that nothing had actually hit that sweet spot. It was one of those instances of at first feeling good about not having any "bad" food in the house and then going googootz because there's no "bad" food in the house and off to the races I went. With cravings, I will generally let myself have a little bit of whatever it is just to satisfy myself and not feel deprived. But last night (just a scant 6 hours ago) I seemed to be on some kind of sweet/salty/I-can't-put-my-finger-on-it food death wish, going from cabinet to cabinet, eating what I knew were all the wrong things in terms of satisfying this craving but goint through the motions just to prove it to myself.

Like I said, the weather's been crappy and has forced me indoors which always harms my efforts. I think, too, I've gotten away from some of the long-term goals here and was a little too in the moment of wanting to scratch an itch that couldn't be reached. A bad day here and there doesn't get me too upset but they are becoming the rule rather than the exception and I can't let that happen.

Well, time to log off. The lights are flickering and trees are still crashing about so gotta go.

A Great Read at Good Housekeeping

Finally, a magazine column that speaks to me. In every Good Housekeeping issue, emotional eating expert and author, Geneen Roth, writes an excellent column about struggling with weight. The December issue was especially relevant as she wrote about how many of us cope with life's heartbreaks by overeating. This line in particular hit home: "The hard part of emotional and compulsive eating is that in trying to avoid big heartbreaks, we break our own hearts every day." The entire column is, as always, excellent and hits on some very hard-wired beliefs and behaviors that I think a lot of us engage in. I've saved every one and have my own little Geneen Roth folder that if I turned to instead of food, I wouldn't have the big weight problem that I do. Do yourself a favor and read some of her work.

Personal Mythology 101

The following are some of my personal myths to which I have been subscribing lately. In an effort to reduce my stress related eating to them, I am currently in the process of bringing them to the cleansing light of day so that I can accept these things I cannot change.

Myth #1) This stay-at-home mom thing is as easy as it sounds.
The Reality: After getting approximately 5 hours of sleep in the past four days due to my son's asthma/croup, I realize that I cannot control things like his health, my sleep, the weather - just the amount of food I put in my mouth when trying to accept the aforementioned. When my only connection to the outside world is the pediatrician, the pharmacist and the triage nurse's hotline, one would think it was time to reassess my career choice. However, borrowing a line from another of the world's most difficult professions, "It's the toughest job I'll ever love" - especially when compensation comes in the form of hugs and kisses.

Myth #2) I am always right.
The Reality: I am often wrong and quite committed to never becoming one of those people who can't apologize when they are wrong. And so, when emailing my brother (see previous post) about why he blew off my party - only to later discover he had left a message on my seldom-used cell phone - I admitted my mistake, apologized and am vowing not to be such a hot-headed jerk in the future (if that's at all possible).

Myth #3) The family dog will always understand not being walked for 4 days in a row while I'm busy tending to my child's illness.
The Reality: I am sleeping with a neck brace on to guard against my lab's potential nighttime gnawing at my carotid in retaliation for no "walkies".

To be continued...

Hangover

We had our party yesterday and the expected 25 turned out to actually be more like 15. Some called to cancel and some did not. The one who did not was my brother who I've been trying to forge some kind of relationship with given that I really don't have much in common with the rest of my family and also that they've sort of written me off since I live 1 1/2 hours away. I am expected to always drive to them; it is never reciprocated in almost 20 years. In addition, I am only invited back into the family loop when there is something they need from me. So this particular snub was especially hurtful to me, even though there were plenty of other good friends whose company I enjoyed.

As much as I tried to focus on the positive, seeing my latest effort to bond with my brother vanish before my eyes was still very upsetting and I ate to comfort myself. Big time. But today the good news is that I feel worse about overeating than I do about the brother. Much as I hate to do so, I have to walk away from these people I'm related to - it is too hurtful. But I can walk away knowing I tried everything in my power to make it better. It was his/their decision not to respond in kind. I think I'm finally turning a corner where disappointing myself (like overeating last night) means more to me than being snubbed by someone who thinks he's better than me. And after SO MANY years of being a people-pleaser I think this is remarkable progress!

Party On!

Sorry I've been away so long. Had to visit sick parents on Thursday (in another state) and made an ER dash on Friday because of my son's asthma attack. Whew! Everyone is currently holding their own and red alert status has been reduced to a nice yellowy orange.

So what better time to entertain 25 of our closest friends than today?! I should be okay food wise as we have shrimp and turkey - but oh, the eggplant parm! Chocolate birthday cake for my son (turning 13!) will be the other problem but I still feel I'm in the safety zone. I weighed myself this morning and was at my lowest so far - 211.0. I know it's been a very slow go but this is how I wanted to do it - by not imposing too restrictive a diet/lifestyle on myself that I just know I'd never follow for the rest of my life. So slow and steady it is. That means the occasional splurge and better it be in the company of friends and family than sneak-eating a pallate of chocolate alone on the couch after everyone else has gone to bed. And this way I assure myself of not feeling so deprived, which has also sent me reeling in the past.

So party on, friends! Enjoy some holiday cheer!

All I Want For Christmas is My Frontal Lobe

Oh dear, I'm at it again. In spite of a pretty good start the first 2 or 3 months of this weight loss effort, I again find myself blacked-out on the will power grid. I know that this extra weight is causing me to miss out on a lot of life and yet I continue to sabotage myself - over and over and over. When will I get it?! Granted, these past 6 days were spent in overly close proximity to loved ones who usually aren't at home, messing up my entire schedule and thought process and so today should've been a good jumping off point...but it wasn't. I was too much in a celebratory mood of having the house back to myself and shared a cup of joe with a good friend - which I thought was really important to my mental health. Still, the day is fairly young. I've joined DC's "5lbs. by Christmas" challenge in hopes of jump-starting the aforementioned power outage.

I so want this weight loss to happen - more now than ever - but am struggling with the whole self-sabotage as I continue to undermine my efforts. I feel that if I could push below the 210 mark I'd have some renewed motivation. I'll continue checking in with my blog network as they have lots of heart and help to offer.