Birthday Parties, Helpful Hints and Teeing Off

Whew - the party's over. I did pretty well at avoiding the known toxic people and fatty food and it was pretty smooth sailing. But as one would expect from being in the presence of a thin person, the "helpful hint" did come up. Doesn't it always? And is anyone besides me sick to death of people offerring their stinkin' advice when it wasn't asked for in the first place?

So I'm talking to this woman - a family friend about 75 years old and in terrific shape. She, her husband, my hubby and I are talking about golfing - something hubby and I would like to take up again now that the teen wants nothing to do with us and would love to have 2-3 unsupervised hours alone (He hasn't found the nanny-cam yet. Who's the smart little mommy?). This woman and her husband golf frequently and she was telling me all the benefits of it and when she got to the word "exercise", she looked directly at me, raised her eyebrows and nodded her head - as if the word were quite foreign to me. These facial gymnastics of hers were the equivalent of bold, italic and underline if she were in writing mode. But alas, she was in preaching mode. Oh, if you could only please speak a little more slowly so I could really understand you, Yoda.

So here's what I said back to her: Oh yes, of course. (As in, "isn't that interesting? Tell me more about this "exercise" thingy because as you can see from my shape I have little to no experience with it")

And here's what I said in my head: Yes, Wanda, it might interest you and your ballpeen hammer subtlety to know that I've actually heard of exercise and am employing it quite frequently these days. But as long as we're sharing here, let me offer you a lesson in common courtesy that you'll never acutally know you've been taught and that's because I know how to keep my mouth shut when it comes to embarrassing or humiliating people in front of others under the guise of "helpfulness". That said, you really ought to do something about this habit you have of dressing 40 years your junior. Mini-skirts and AARP just don't mix. Glass houses and people throwing stones? Ditto. So please, just zip it.

The following day, hubby and I went to the driving range to brush up on those old golfing skills - teeing off on balls, not people. My helpful hubby wanted to know if he should use a wedge or a driver to help me get that chip off my shoulder. How could I not love this guy?