Thank you all for your kind words of sympathy on the passing of my Dad. Yes, it will certainly be a while until I can get through the day without crying and I will miss him every day. But each heartbreak always seems to bring a chance for a new beginning - even if not right away and not a something we always immediately recognize. Sometimes we need time and perspective until we realize that what was broken has opened up a new pathway for us to grow. Okay, okay - I know I'm starting to sound like Stuart Smalley but you get the idea.
With the loss of Dad comes an opportunity to redefine myself through my own eyes - not my family's. I was always the people-pleaser; the go-along-to-get-along girl who suppressed too many feelings lest my opinions offend. I was too outward focused on others' approval instead of developing my own set of beliefs and passions. I accepted everyone else's opinion of me as fact. It's been a rocky road towards self-acceptance but I think I'm finally starting to see some clearing. The weight has never been about me not knowing the physical mechanics of how to lose it. For me, and maybe for some of you, it's been finding a way to be comfortable in my own skin before I could apply those mechanics to my weight problem. I have to identify the feelings have I been smothering with food all this time and bring them to the surface on order to deal with them head-on.
There's always a silver lining.
