Self Help

Not much going on but yesterday was one of those thoughtful days where I did practically nothing but concentrate on how to improve my circumstances. As I mentioned previously my weight loss, altho slow and steady to begin with, has stalled. I took a long hard look at what I've been eating and discovered some things I could do better on. Given my yeast allergy I had to find a substitute for bread because I love me my sandwiches. And I did - wraps! They are a pretty good substitute except that I noticed each one is 220 calories - not so good. So I decided to use only half. Also, my favorite substitute snack has become potato chips and how true it is that no one can eat just one...... hundred. As with any good thing I've overindulged and am cutting way back on the chips. I can feel a difference already.

I've also been having a lot of panic attacks lately. I started having them back in 2002 and went on anti-depressants - which really helped smooth out the bumps for me. Except that after 3 years of taking them my weight had ballooned to 229 pounds (a 35 pound increase) and so I weaned myself off them - which believe me, was no easy task. Quitting cigarettes was about comparable. My doctor has since prescribed some "panic pills" for me that I take only as needed and they haven't interferred with my weight loss. But the panic attacks are coming more frequently and with greater intensity. My readings on the topic of panic suggest that I am refusing to acknowledge something very elemental which must be confronted in my life. And so yesterday I also wrote a very long and detailed entry in my personal journal about the things I consider to be some of the root causes. And I felt better even though nothing was resolved and probably won't be for a while but because I've put everything down on paper and am starting the process of facing the facts that need to be faced. I am still very uncertain as to how things will settle out and don't know if I possess the courage to take them on. Time will tell.