Hangover

We had our party yesterday and the expected 25 turned out to actually be more like 15. Some called to cancel and some did not. The one who did not was my brother who I've been trying to forge some kind of relationship with given that I really don't have much in common with the rest of my family and also that they've sort of written me off since I live 1 1/2 hours away. I am expected to always drive to them; it is never reciprocated in almost 20 years. In addition, I am only invited back into the family loop when there is something they need from me. So this particular snub was especially hurtful to me, even though there were plenty of other good friends whose company I enjoyed.

As much as I tried to focus on the positive, seeing my latest effort to bond with my brother vanish before my eyes was still very upsetting and I ate to comfort myself. Big time. But today the good news is that I feel worse about overeating than I do about the brother. Much as I hate to do so, I have to walk away from these people I'm related to - it is too hurtful. But I can walk away knowing I tried everything in my power to make it better. It was his/their decision not to respond in kind. I think I'm finally turning a corner where disappointing myself (like overeating last night) means more to me than being snubbed by someone who thinks he's better than me. And after SO MANY years of being a people-pleaser I think this is remarkable progress!