Letting Myself Go

Somebody said that in order to be a good writer you must know your topic well. I'm fat and funny and very pissed off that I've let myself go this far. To that end, I know my topic VERY well.

I've been fat on and off for my entire life - but never more than about 20 or 30 pounds extra; until recently. Presently, I could stand to lose 75 pounds - easily. My first encounter with fat was that oh-so-elegant entry into puberty. I was the chubby middle child (with the good personality, mind you) set between two siblings of above average metabolism and quickly found out that life wasn't fair.

Fast forward to the past 10 or 15 years and that's when the serious weight trouble began. When I got married I was 5'6", a size 10 and about 140 pounds. But as the saying goes, "Once you've caught the bus, you can stop running." Talk about slamming on the brakes. It was a gradual thing at first but once the isolation and depression of being a stay-at-home mom in hostile environs kicked in, I was off to the races. Then I began having panic attacks and my doctor prescribed an anti-depressant which helped elevate not only my mood but my weight as well. By the time I realized that this particular medication had the nasty side effect of weight gain, I had already piled on 35 pounds - and just as I started cruising into peri-menopause country.

I have been off the meds for the past 2 years and was fully expecting the associated weight to melt away instantaneously. But it hasn't and I have been stuck at this level ever since. I am only 9 pounds less than my highest weight - which in 2 years' time is nothing to crow about. I have tried many, many diets but to no avail and wound up fatter than before. I KNOW the nutritional and exercise stuff - it's not a matter of educating myself about that - so it must be something more.

So here I am - at 12:45 a.m. - finally coming to the conclusion on a sleepless night that writing about my struggles might make more sense than probably qualifying for frequent flier miles if I were to join Weight Watchers just one more time. What have I got to lose?