It's the last day of school and a half one at that. Grrr. I have many things to do, although celebrating is not one of them, so I'll have to keep it short.
Some people reflect on their failures and successes on New Year's Eve. Not me. No, I have to be different. But not different in a way that people named Cindy suddenly decide one day to end their names with an "i" instead of a "y". No - I'm not as deep as that. I usually trip down Memory Lane on the last day of school when I realize just how little I did with the time I had (past tense now).
I should be in Onederland by now. It was a goal of mine for the end of 2008. Then by Mother's Day 2009. Now it's by my birthday in August. (Please note I did not specify which year.) Notice a pattern here? I am stuck and stuck good. My physical is in 2 weeks and I so wanted to blow my doctor away with my incredible weight loss. I'll have to settle for being just down a little more than last year. And given how much I hate to settle, it's amazing at just how often I do it.
Granted, I have a 51 year old metabolism and it is harder than Sling Blade's skull to move one pound of fat off this frame. That the progress (?) is so slow is one of the things that gets me down. But then I settle for being unsettled about the whole process - which is the worst thing I could do. I should take the advice I so freely give my son which is, "It ain't gonna happen by itself, ya know!" (And I wonder why his grades in English are on the low side.)
Why do I settle for less so much of the time? Maybe deep down somewhere I feel I don't deserve the best, which is just messed up. Sorry - I don't mean to go all Dr. Phil on you but I think the only way around this feeling is to drive a dump truck loaded with TNT right through it. I feel just on the edge of pushing through a lot of barriers but it's like I'm waiting to be granted permission to do it when I should be kicking ass and taking names. I think pushing myself beyond my usual boundaries is going to get ugly and make me VERY uncomfortable. But when I think of not doing it - that's even worse.
I keep making this promise to myself in hopes that THIS time I really mean it. A lot of you probably know just what I'm talking about, which is why I love blogland and my friends here so much. Stick with me. You all inspire me so much and I hope I can start sharing new successes with you shortly. Have a great weekend and Happy Father's Day!
11 comments:
I agree, I've not put time or date restrictions on my journey. There are a few things I know about myself and one of them is I am lazy, and will get around to things in my own time and my own way. This is certainly holding true in my weight loss. It's happening, albeit slowly. BUT, IT IS HAPPENING, and to me that is the most important thing. You are doing just fine, too. Slow and steady wins every time. Do no dispair, we'll all keep you propped up.
You're right, sometimes it's hard not to be down on yourself for not having accomplished/done/lost more than what you have, but think about all of the things you *have* done.
You've lost weight from where you were last year.
You've learned more about yourself.
You've started going the gym again.
The list goes on and on!
Try to re-frame, and think of the smaller goals that will help you push towards Onederland and your final weight goal.
We have so much faith in you, and know that you can and *will* succeed.
I'm guilty of the same thing Gigi and just the fact that I'm aware of it is a huge accomplishment for me. I've noticed when I walk into the gym I'm scared of being uncomfortable and pushing myself but I walk out of there an ass kicker. You are doing fine and we will be here to cheer you on!
I'm with ya on this one. I had such high hopes and plans to be in such terrific shape by this time. I mean almost did it 10 years ago within 3 months. Nevermind that I'm now almost 50, and things are going much slooooower....
I've got to remember (daily) that I'm down 20 lbs from this time last year and I'm down from a size 18-20 to a 14 (which is now getting kind of lose). I'm getting fitter and leaner but still lots of weight to lose.
I didn't gain it overnight, I'm certainly not going to lose it overnight. Slow and steady wins the race.
Keep up the good work, we are all behind you.
so true- I think I never tried to lose weight in the past because I didn't feel I deserved the time, the dedication, or to look/feel good. I think the only thing that kept me going this time was dealing with my issues with food and seeing results. Oh, and I also had the time to do it- I had just stopped working and decided to focus on ME.
Onederland will come around for you, goal will as well...and we will all be here to cheer you on. :)
When I started my blog back in Dec., I knew I wanted to change my life but I also had doubts about being able to lose weight given my hypothyroidism; my achy, creaking knees; and that I am pushing fifty. It is more challenging. But, somewhere along the line, things began to click. Metabolism has changed and I actually look forward to getting sweaty with exercise.
Keep going, Gigi. You'll discover your way.
Oh you know I'm always here for you.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way but really, you have come a long way. There's lots of success you need to celebrate.
Hang in there my friend.
Have a great weekend too!
I like Erin's reframes.
You've done a lot and are on the right track!
You sound very determined, and while the time frames may suck, I do believe you will get there!
Iknow I am not going anywhere, and it doesn't sound like anyone else is either Gigi. you know I had this goal of being in my best shape by my 50th birthday and quickly realized it wasn't gonna happen. It is hard to let go of goals, but I like your current one and think it is well within your reach...this year! :-)
I hope you have a great weekend!!
I like Erin's re-frames as well. Good for us all to remember when we're in the same situation. I've been exactly where you are and still wander back there sometimes. I look at a day/event on the calendar and calculate exactly how much I can lose before it arrives. The mind games we play with ourselves re; weight is just exhausting sometimes. Hang in there - you've come a long way!
You have 6 pounds to go to get to Onederland, right? Maybe instead of giving yourself a deadline, just focus on losing 1 pound. No matter how long it takes, just focus on that one little pound. It seems like the deadlines are frustrating you when you don't get to them, so if you take them out of the equation, then you can just concentrate on doing what you need to do to lose one pound.
Take it one step at a time, recognize your success, and know that it will happen as long as you don't give up!
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