Gym Bag

Yes, I was the gym bag/hag/nag yesterday but the big news is that I actually went! As part of my new membership I was also entitled to one free session with a personal trainer, which I promptly made an appointment for yesterday to help me ease into the new and vastly unrecognizable fitness environment.

After much deliberation, I had chosen a moderately stretchy pair of pants that mercifully gapped in just the right places but didn't ride up on me in the wrong ones. Ethel and Lucy had their new harnessing device - a fabulous sports bra made by Goddess (how fitting) and each looked as if they were tucked in their own separate baby car seats. And away we go!

I locked up all my new gear in the ladies locker room and excused myself from the fat woman I almost bumped into. I should mention that it was merely my reflection in a very unfortunately placed full size mirror just behind the locker I had chosen. (Show of hands: who's ever wondered who the fat babe was walking behind you as you passed a plate glass window - only to later discover it was you?) Then I headed towards the staircase that would lead me to the personal trainer and my new life.

It didn't take long for my first incident with a despised gym bunny. It happened on the stairs to my new life (which was quite a wide staircase, by the way) when said gym bunny apparently felt the remaining 4 steps were much too long a wait for her to be held back by the likes of me and started crowding me in hopes of getting the fat girl to yield. Translation: my time is so much more important than yours and/or basic common courtesy. I was having none of it. I stood my ground and as she saw the glass doors fast approaching, she was jammed into staying put in second place. Back off, aerobo-trash! I returned the favor by not holding the door open for her.

I should mention that when I made the appointment for the personal trainer and asked for the one my girlfriend had recommended and achieved spectacular results with, I was informed that he did not "do" new member consults. Ruh-roh. I was assigned to Gary - a "trainer in-training" (well, I guess they have to call them something!). Short of a hair net and smock, Gary was everything you'd expect from a trainer in-training; with the exception of being older than dirt. Personally, I'd take him on as my trainer for napping or crocheting but not for whipping my body into Amazon-like dimensions. No. Gary does lawn chairs or Gary does Early Bird specials but Gary will definitely not be doing Gigi. But he showed me how to work the machines and was not overly patronizing; assuming that the extra 50 pounds I was carrying around had the inverse affect on my IQ points.

It was a decent first day. I got to figure out how things work without creating an international incident. This is when setting your expectations very low really pays off. However, for the rest of my stay there I will be setting the bar much higher. I have 50 more pounds to lose and it's going to happen. It's not going to happen with Gary but it's going to happen. Stay tuned.