Friends and Losers

I've been experiencing something that I'm sure most of my height-impaired (ie: overweight) friends might have in common. It's that hesitation (deathly fear, in my case) to chance seeing people from my past who haven't seen me since my thin days. I live outside of the state in which I was born, raised and attended college so most of my old time friends are still there - altho it is not too far away. I am also in a stage of my life where I am craving those old friendships, or at least a chance to catch up at the occasional Christmas party or reunion. These impulses to reconnect are tragically over-ridden by the shame I feel about my appearance and so I continue to lose touch with the people who I grew up with and had such impact on my life.

This has been going on for years and every time it does, I vow to do something about it...but I haven't...and this year is no different. I was doing so well up until September and then got knocked off stride. So whereas I could possibly be down by 20-25 pounds had I kept up my routine, I'm only down 10 - if that - and it is only a drop in the bucket in terms of making a difference.

I need to recommit to this project - and myself. Too much of life is passing me by and the worst part is I'm allowing it to happen. I'm acting as if I'm some bystander and have no skin in this game when in fact the complete opposite is true. I'm the only one who can do something about this. I'm NOT going to give myself yet another false start - "Oh, I'll wait until after Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Labor Day.....yada, yada, yada". It starts today. Again.