What a chicken! Almost two full months since my last recorded weigh-in and you know why that is - because I stopped losing weight and didn't want to acknowledge it! My ego is way too fragile these days to even entertain the briefest of notions that I may have failed at something I consider to be so vital. Fake it 'til you make it - is that the phrase? Whatever - the number was surprisingly smaller than I thought it would be given that my workout schedule has fallen off a cliff. I can only assume that my weight is down because of the extraordinary stress I've been under lately (that, and the consumption of the last Halloween candy leftovers). It brought me back to a time 20 years ago when I swear I lost 20 pounds in a month. I had just lost my job as a money market broker and was subsisting on coffee and cigarettes. I was single, living in the city and suddenly had no visible means of support - so I literally started living off my fat. (P.S. the same brokerage firm that canned me 20 years ago just went under. Heh Heh. Not that I'm bitter or anything but if you wait long enough, what goes around really does come around - and this time I got to watch.)
Now, as then, I would prefer less stress as I'm not so in love with the hollowed-out acidic feeling in my stomach every waking moment. Plus, I'm at a stage in my life where every time I go to the doctor's office there's a question on the form about unintended weight loss - i.e. some sinister disease destroying you on the inside while pretending to be your friend on the outside. I hate to admit it but my stress levels are so high, I have begun to imagine brain tumors and flesh-eating bacteria when in fact I only have a headache and dry skin. Yet another reason for the power of positive thinking. Serenity now!
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