Believe it or not, I graduated with a BS in Finance. I did not graduate suma, magna, with honors or distinction. Come to think of it, the Dean couldn't even look me in the eye as his limp handshake at the diploma hand-off indicated to me that I should hurry my ample ass off the stage and stop embarrassing this fine institution of higher learning. The long and short of it is, however, that after 4 years of college and 15 years at financial institutions I should have some facility in working with numbers and math. So why is it in my efforts to lose weight and get to a normal sized body, the basic equation of more exercise plus less eating equals my goal keeps getting so screwed up? 1+1=2 as in "hot mama 2 go" - yes?
Okay, so the math that's actually closer to what I've been using is 1(more exercise)-1(same/more amount of food)=0 as in gotz, nada, donuts, zilch, nothing. Zero results. It's true - I've certainly been upping my exercise but keeping my food intake constant, if not a little higher as in my very wrong-headed yet hard-wired reward system. It's taken me quite some time to be honest with myself as denial still very much exists in my vocabulary.
So it's back to basics. I've started my food journal again in hopes of getting back on track. The exercise is pretty easy to stick with. But my annual physical is next week and I was so hoping to show off a weight loss of at least 20 or more pounds, given that I've been working on it for the better part of a year now. No such luck. At this rate of progress I should be a member of Congress or Escargots Anonymous or something. But I'm determined - if not self-deluded. Math appeals to an anal retentive like me so much because you can't argue with the the outcome if the input is done correctly. And we retentives are all about doing it just so. Why do you think they're called financial anal-ysts?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Paying Myself Forward
I was going to blow off the gym today in favor of mowing the foot-long grass that has grown in the almost constant rain of the past 1 1/2 weeks. (Looks like I picked the wrong week to put down fertilizer.) However, forecasts being an imperfect thing (it was supposed to be sunny yesterday and today) it only looks like I'll have enough time to harvest the mushrooms off the siding of my house before rain drops begin falling again. Plus, St. Patrick hasn't shown up yet to drive off the snakes (yes, snakes) so off to the gym I went.
I felt strangely invigorated this morning - something that almost never happens before coffee and my hit of speed (just kidding about the coffee). But here's the really weird part - I think this feeling sprang from the even less occurring freak moments of actually having done some good things for myself this past week. I know - hard to believe but it's true. As suggested by everyone's friend, MizFit, I started cleaning the hell out of my cluttered spaces (my brain being the obvious exception) and the place almost feels livable again. (You know the place is spic and span when the teenager complains about it and the Department of Health removes that pesky little notice from the front door.) I also forced myself to go clothes shopping and buy stuff for its style and color and how good it made me look (comparatively speaking) instead of for the simple fact that it fit and would emit relatively few toxic fumes when burned. And of course the best thing of all is that I've been visiting the gym on a regular basis.
All these things combined - after a long enough spell - start multiplying faster than "Law & Order" spin-offs. Doing good for ourselves tends to become its own force of nature and propel us toward the right path. I hope this isn't just some hormonal surge going on today but rather a firm shove in the right direction. Time will tell.
Have a great weekend!
I felt strangely invigorated this morning - something that almost never happens before coffee and my hit of speed (just kidding about the coffee). But here's the really weird part - I think this feeling sprang from the even less occurring freak moments of actually having done some good things for myself this past week. I know - hard to believe but it's true. As suggested by everyone's friend, MizFit, I started cleaning the hell out of my cluttered spaces (my brain being the obvious exception) and the place almost feels livable again. (You know the place is spic and span when the teenager complains about it and the Department of Health removes that pesky little notice from the front door.) I also forced myself to go clothes shopping and buy stuff for its style and color and how good it made me look (comparatively speaking) instead of for the simple fact that it fit and would emit relatively few toxic fumes when burned. And of course the best thing of all is that I've been visiting the gym on a regular basis.
All these things combined - after a long enough spell - start multiplying faster than "Law & Order" spin-offs. Doing good for ourselves tends to become its own force of nature and propel us toward the right path. I hope this isn't just some hormonal surge going on today but rather a firm shove in the right direction. Time will tell.
Have a great weekend!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Morning Outrage
Okay - I never like to start the day on a down note. I generally work up to it during the course of the day when disappointments and overall crankiness have set in. Day 10 or 11 of rain/drizzle/clouds has not exactly set the stage for a sunny disposition either. But here's how it went in my world this morning.
The newspaper was again left on the driveway in a puddle while the little green plastic box attached to the mailbox, specifically designed to prevent this outcome, was left empty again - as it is every morning. Called paper customer service to complain, ask for a dry one and remind them that these are not the best times for newspapers to be pissing off their paying customers. If PaperBoy wants to play, I can give as good as I get. Strap yourself in, PaperBoy. And just for extra giggles, he put everyone else's paper in their little green boxes. God, I hate stoopid people.
Then hubby ignores my note on the garage door to leave the garbage hauling to me today. Love the hubby but seeing as we have to pay the town for our garbage bags and he always leaves them at the curb half full, the little waste nazi in me is trying to control (unsuccessfully) the fullness of our garbage bags.
Okay, I realize I'm whining a little (a lot) but the biggest outrage of the morning was on the CBS Morning Show (you can tell how desperate I truly was if CBS was on the tube) and they had a story about a mother being arrested for allowing her teenage son's weight to reach 500 pounds. This woman was in court - SHACKLED! - for child endangerment. The accusation was that she wasn't doing enough to get him healthier. The woman claimed she couldn't afford special services. I imagine the truth is somewhere inbetween. The boy is now with the Department of Social Services. Now I agree that a child who reaches 500 pounds has a serious problem and it should never have gotten to this point, but I cannot recall ever seeing the mother of an anorexic child in chains before the court. So if you're going to start rounding up moms whose kids' weight issues are out of control then you're going to have to round them ALL up - not just the moms with the fat kids.
So tell me, is it me and my plus size paranoia or does this strike you as outrageous too?
The newspaper was again left on the driveway in a puddle while the little green plastic box attached to the mailbox, specifically designed to prevent this outcome, was left empty again - as it is every morning. Called paper customer service to complain, ask for a dry one and remind them that these are not the best times for newspapers to be pissing off their paying customers. If PaperBoy wants to play, I can give as good as I get. Strap yourself in, PaperBoy. And just for extra giggles, he put everyone else's paper in their little green boxes. God, I hate stoopid people.
Then hubby ignores my note on the garage door to leave the garbage hauling to me today. Love the hubby but seeing as we have to pay the town for our garbage bags and he always leaves them at the curb half full, the little waste nazi in me is trying to control (unsuccessfully) the fullness of our garbage bags.
Okay, I realize I'm whining a little (a lot) but the biggest outrage of the morning was on the CBS Morning Show (you can tell how desperate I truly was if CBS was on the tube) and they had a story about a mother being arrested for allowing her teenage son's weight to reach 500 pounds. This woman was in court - SHACKLED! - for child endangerment. The accusation was that she wasn't doing enough to get him healthier. The woman claimed she couldn't afford special services. I imagine the truth is somewhere inbetween. The boy is now with the Department of Social Services. Now I agree that a child who reaches 500 pounds has a serious problem and it should never have gotten to this point, but I cannot recall ever seeing the mother of an anorexic child in chains before the court. So if you're going to start rounding up moms whose kids' weight issues are out of control then you're going to have to round them ALL up - not just the moms with the fat kids.
So tell me, is it me and my plus size paranoia or does this strike you as outrageous too?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Treadmill Sandwich
Now that I've been going to the gym for a couple of weeks and seem to have lost most of that newbie shine, I've taken to some serious people watching - which has always been a favorite pastime of mine. This morning's fare was particularly interesting as I was the meat (probably bologna) in a treadmill sandwich.
To the right of me was the bare-bones runner. All she brought was herself and the zone she'd be traveling in for the next 45 minutes. Her form is what caught my eye as I noticed that even though she was running at a pretty good clip, she was not moving her arms. They just hung at her side a la Raggedy Ann. Flashback to the Seinfeld episode of Elaine's taking huge exception to a co-worker who walks without ever moving her arms. She quite possibly would be thrown into the pits of insanity by being her treadmill buddy.
To my left was a runner who was in every way just the opposite. This gal was positively high maintenance as she brought provisions for what appeared to be a long seige. She had the water bottle, the iPod, the towel and the backpack with what I suppose was the rest of her survival gear (GPS to guide her back to the locker room and car, kindling, matches and of course Spam). I fully expected her to hire out a contractor and build an addition onto the treadmill. This one was digging in.
With baseball cap firmly in place (it's been raining for a full week and a half here - no need to try covering up a bad hair day anymore) she began her workout. Her running style was in sharp contrast from the runner to my right as her arms were pumping so fast and furious that her fists were coming right up to her forehead. Then at one point, with the treadmill still going at full tilt, she placed one foot on one side of the track and raised the other leg up over the opposite side bar for a mid-run stretch, straddling the 5 mph belt beneath her. This had to be the fitness world's equivalent of unsafe sex. This girl could get hurt but even worse, take me down with her. Where's a park ranger when you need one?
I guess my style was somewhere inbetween my two neighbors. I had my iPod and bad hair and my arms swung to keep pace with my two left feet. It doesn't matter how you get it done as long as you do it. But the people-watching sure helps kill the monotony of taking hundreds of steps in the same place.
What do you do to help entertain yourself at the gym - or is my approach completely wrong in that my workout should be enough to keep my tiny mind occupied?
To the right of me was the bare-bones runner. All she brought was herself and the zone she'd be traveling in for the next 45 minutes. Her form is what caught my eye as I noticed that even though she was running at a pretty good clip, she was not moving her arms. They just hung at her side a la Raggedy Ann. Flashback to the Seinfeld episode of Elaine's taking huge exception to a co-worker who walks without ever moving her arms. She quite possibly would be thrown into the pits of insanity by being her treadmill buddy.
To my left was a runner who was in every way just the opposite. This gal was positively high maintenance as she brought provisions for what appeared to be a long seige. She had the water bottle, the iPod, the towel and the backpack with what I suppose was the rest of her survival gear (GPS to guide her back to the locker room and car, kindling, matches and of course Spam). I fully expected her to hire out a contractor and build an addition onto the treadmill. This one was digging in.
With baseball cap firmly in place (it's been raining for a full week and a half here - no need to try covering up a bad hair day anymore) she began her workout. Her running style was in sharp contrast from the runner to my right as her arms were pumping so fast and furious that her fists were coming right up to her forehead. Then at one point, with the treadmill still going at full tilt, she placed one foot on one side of the track and raised the other leg up over the opposite side bar for a mid-run stretch, straddling the 5 mph belt beneath her. This had to be the fitness world's equivalent of unsafe sex. This girl could get hurt but even worse, take me down with her. Where's a park ranger when you need one?
I guess my style was somewhere inbetween my two neighbors. I had my iPod and bad hair and my arms swung to keep pace with my two left feet. It doesn't matter how you get it done as long as you do it. But the people-watching sure helps kill the monotony of taking hundreds of steps in the same place.
What do you do to help entertain yourself at the gym - or is my approach completely wrong in that my workout should be enough to keep my tiny mind occupied?
Monday, June 22, 2009
Lady Slug-o
Here's a partial list of the bad things I did this weekend. I cannot make a full accounting as I believe I eventually lapsed into a sugar coma about Saturday night. I blame it on the weather; specifically the humidity which is the meteorlogic equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to me.
1) Weighed myself knowing full well it would be an ugly number.
2) Became depressed and assumed the "Who the f*ck cares anymore?" mentality.
3) Ordered Chinese take-out to cheer me up.
4) Added salt to taste to #3 (yes, really).
5) Ate a small bag of Raisinettes (in spite of my self-destructive tendencies, I do still strive for my daily allowance of fiber and antioxidents - no matter what form they may take).
6) Repeated #5 as necessary until aforementioned sugar coma commenced.
7) Put Jillian's Shred DVD on.
8) Watched #7 from a reclining position and threw Raisinettes at the screen whenever Jillian raised her voice.
9) Got a bitchin' good upper arm workout from throwing as detailed in #8.
10) Turned on the treadmill.
11) Watched someone else use it.
12) Promised myself to do better tomorrow.
How was your weekend?
1) Weighed myself knowing full well it would be an ugly number.
2) Became depressed and assumed the "Who the f*ck cares anymore?" mentality.
3) Ordered Chinese take-out to cheer me up.
4) Added salt to taste to #3 (yes, really).
5) Ate a small bag of Raisinettes (in spite of my self-destructive tendencies, I do still strive for my daily allowance of fiber and antioxidents - no matter what form they may take).
6) Repeated #5 as necessary until aforementioned sugar coma commenced.
7) Put Jillian's Shred DVD on.
8) Watched #7 from a reclining position and threw Raisinettes at the screen whenever Jillian raised her voice.
9) Got a bitchin' good upper arm workout from throwing as detailed in #8.
10) Turned on the treadmill.
11) Watched someone else use it.
12) Promised myself to do better tomorrow.
How was your weekend?
Friday, June 19, 2009
Settling is the New Black
It's the last day of school and a half one at that. Grrr. I have many things to do, although celebrating is not one of them, so I'll have to keep it short.
Some people reflect on their failures and successes on New Year's Eve. Not me. No, I have to be different. But not different in a way that people named Cindy suddenly decide one day to end their names with an "i" instead of a "y". No - I'm not as deep as that. I usually trip down Memory Lane on the last day of school when I realize just how little I did with the time I had (past tense now).
I should be in Onederland by now. It was a goal of mine for the end of 2008. Then by Mother's Day 2009. Now it's by my birthday in August. (Please note I did not specify which year.) Notice a pattern here? I am stuck and stuck good. My physical is in 2 weeks and I so wanted to blow my doctor away with my incredible weight loss. I'll have to settle for being just down a little more than last year. And given how much I hate to settle, it's amazing at just how often I do it.
Granted, I have a 51 year old metabolism and it is harder than Sling Blade's skull to move one pound of fat off this frame. That the progress (?) is so slow is one of the things that gets me down. But then I settle for being unsettled about the whole process - which is the worst thing I could do. I should take the advice I so freely give my son which is, "It ain't gonna happen by itself, ya know!" (And I wonder why his grades in English are on the low side.)
Why do I settle for less so much of the time? Maybe deep down somewhere I feel I don't deserve the best, which is just messed up. Sorry - I don't mean to go all Dr. Phil on you but I think the only way around this feeling is to drive a dump truck loaded with TNT right through it. I feel just on the edge of pushing through a lot of barriers but it's like I'm waiting to be granted permission to do it when I should be kicking ass and taking names. I think pushing myself beyond my usual boundaries is going to get ugly and make me VERY uncomfortable. But when I think of not doing it - that's even worse.
I keep making this promise to myself in hopes that THIS time I really mean it. A lot of you probably know just what I'm talking about, which is why I love blogland and my friends here so much. Stick with me. You all inspire me so much and I hope I can start sharing new successes with you shortly. Have a great weekend and Happy Father's Day!
Some people reflect on their failures and successes on New Year's Eve. Not me. No, I have to be different. But not different in a way that people named Cindy suddenly decide one day to end their names with an "i" instead of a "y". No - I'm not as deep as that. I usually trip down Memory Lane on the last day of school when I realize just how little I did with the time I had (past tense now).
I should be in Onederland by now. It was a goal of mine for the end of 2008. Then by Mother's Day 2009. Now it's by my birthday in August. (Please note I did not specify which year.) Notice a pattern here? I am stuck and stuck good. My physical is in 2 weeks and I so wanted to blow my doctor away with my incredible weight loss. I'll have to settle for being just down a little more than last year. And given how much I hate to settle, it's amazing at just how often I do it.
Granted, I have a 51 year old metabolism and it is harder than Sling Blade's skull to move one pound of fat off this frame. That the progress (?) is so slow is one of the things that gets me down. But then I settle for being unsettled about the whole process - which is the worst thing I could do. I should take the advice I so freely give my son which is, "It ain't gonna happen by itself, ya know!" (And I wonder why his grades in English are on the low side.)
Why do I settle for less so much of the time? Maybe deep down somewhere I feel I don't deserve the best, which is just messed up. Sorry - I don't mean to go all Dr. Phil on you but I think the only way around this feeling is to drive a dump truck loaded with TNT right through it. I feel just on the edge of pushing through a lot of barriers but it's like I'm waiting to be granted permission to do it when I should be kicking ass and taking names. I think pushing myself beyond my usual boundaries is going to get ugly and make me VERY uncomfortable. But when I think of not doing it - that's even worse.
I keep making this promise to myself in hopes that THIS time I really mean it. A lot of you probably know just what I'm talking about, which is why I love blogland and my friends here so much. Stick with me. You all inspire me so much and I hope I can start sharing new successes with you shortly. Have a great weekend and Happy Father's Day!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Rambling...
Mercy - I have let some time go by without writing. I'm working out almost every day but still not weighing myself. I almost feel like I'll make more progress by just focusing on the exercise instead of the number on the scale - like it's distracting me too much if I do it too frequently. So in an effort to distract myself from being distracted I've been thinking some silly thoughts:
* Does anybody else sense that the words we type in to access each others' blog comment page belong to a true language and have actual meanings and we are inadvertently inviting aliens to invade our planet by sending out coordinates? (P.S. If we all worked together and sent them Jillian's coordinates I am sure she would scare the crap out of them and sending them packing.)
* Have you noticed that while the word "team" does not have a "I" in it (as so often observed by teamwork motivational speakers), it does contain an "m-e"?
* Does the self-proclaimed smartest guy in your neighborhood still put his garbage out on the wrong day?
* How many times have you noticed multiple spelling/grammatical errors in school announcements?
* How many people do you know who successfully and consistently turn lemonade into lemons? (Bonus points for non-family members.)
* Who else thinks that whenever somebody says "it's not about the money" - it's about the money?
* Is anybody else giving their husband a rabbit's foot belt buckle for Father's Day?
Happy Monday!
* Does anybody else sense that the words we type in to access each others' blog comment page belong to a true language and have actual meanings and we are inadvertently inviting aliens to invade our planet by sending out coordinates? (P.S. If we all worked together and sent them Jillian's coordinates I am sure she would scare the crap out of them and sending them packing.)
* Have you noticed that while the word "team" does not have a "I" in it (as so often observed by teamwork motivational speakers), it does contain an "m-e"?
* Does the self-proclaimed smartest guy in your neighborhood still put his garbage out on the wrong day?
* How many times have you noticed multiple spelling/grammatical errors in school announcements?
* How many people do you know who successfully and consistently turn lemonade into lemons? (Bonus points for non-family members.)
* Who else thinks that whenever somebody says "it's not about the money" - it's about the money?
* Is anybody else giving their husband a rabbit's foot belt buckle for Father's Day?
Happy Monday!
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