Walk This WWay? Not This Time.

Many thanks for all your input on the WW thing. As Kathy and Deanna suggested, I did slow down long enough to ask myself why it didn't work in the past and had some cupcake-induced flashbacks. I remember loving the meeting leader but the weigh-in nazis were a drag right out of the gate and SO much of the conversation focused on eating, eating and, well, more eating. I get that some people want to know how to construct a gingerbread house entirely of Splenda and water but not me. I always wanted a more balanced approach of smarter eating strategies, behavior modification and emotional search techniques. But, without fail, it would always center around how to substitute some bad recipe ingredient with apple sauce or some other cooking secrets. I remember now coming out of there feeling frustrated. Other meeting times were pretty much the same. Aside from the accountability factor and the leader, the rest of my considerable needs weren't being met.

Maybe I was looking more for a 12 step program - which I actually tried once, now that I think about it. A friend wanted to try an Overeaters Anonymous meeting so I went along with to see what it was like. Mmmm - it was not my cup of tea. I didn't think I was a real food addict. I think maybe I am only a 6 stepper or something inbetween WW and OA.

Suffice it to say, I'm not going to go the WW route for now. I am going to continue with the food journaling, blogging and exercising. My weight is acting very weird lately - I don't know if all the Advil I've been taking is messing with it or I'm just not paying close enough attention. When I was in full toothache mode, I wasn't exercising because it hurt too much. The pain has lessened and so I've been exercising since early last week so maybe my body's still in slacker mode. Hope it decides to get a little more Denise Austin sometime soon.

Junk-in-the-Trunk Mail

Even though I said I'd never join Weight Watchers again, I got a free membership fee coupon in the mail last week that has been haunting me. Oh sure, junk mail haunts all of us - we can't just toss it in the trash anymore like the good old days. No, we have to open it all up and take out whatever stuff has our name and any other identifying information on it and shred the stuff lest our identities be stolen. But this coupon comes at a particularly vulnerable, low-tide time in my life. I've been stuck in this 3-4 pound zone for ages and know I HAVE to lose more weight. Not just because it's bathing suit and sleeveless shirt season right around the corner - but for health reasons. I can't keep kicking the can down the road on this like I have for the past 20 years. It's starting to catch up to me.

I've been making my own decisions now for years but this one has really got me on the fence. I've succeeded with WW before - only to pile it all on after leaving the program so there's the whole fear of failing (again!). Accountability to myself is only getting me so far right now. The scale nazis at our local WW always have that look about them like they'll beat you to a bloody pulp if there's a gain. That's some incentive. That, plus the financial tie-in: if I'm paying for something, there's always a better than even chance that I'm going to get the most out of it that I can.

I think I know what I'm going to do but would love to hear your thoughts. Please "weigh in".

The Semi-Tough

...And the Semi-Naked.
I feel better already.
(Thanks to The Merry)

Many thanks for your caring comments about my dental work. I had the temporary crown put on Monday and so far, so good. However, other far more important things have hit the fan in the midst of all my crying and complaining. In blogworld, our friend (and my ultimate cool boss) Crabby, from Cranky Fitness, is moving on to other challenges. Today was my last post and if you haven't had a chance to say goodbye, maybe you could take a minute today and wish her well.

In my personal world, such as it is, my dad has been in the hospital down in CT for the past week for what should have been a minor surgery. The procedure went fine but he contracted pneumonia for the second time in as many months and is unconscious and on a ventilator in the ICU. Unfortunately, my siblings, who are much closer to the hospital than I, have been completely uncommunicative - even failing to let me know about a nurse voice mail system one of them set up that leaves the "family" two updates every day. I found that out on my own quite by accident. I'm still trying to come to terms with this indifference and pettiness; especially when it literally is life and death. And yes, I have pleaded with my brother (the indifferent one) to keep me in the loop, which he fails to do over and over, because he seems to think that he would be taking sides against my sister (the petty one) if he were to do so. Or he just might not like me either. I hope I didn't just pass the exit for The High Road....

Anywho, watching the scale has been pushed way to the back of my "To Do" list but I have found other ways of coping than with food this time. And exercise is actually proving to be a very stress-relieving experience - now I totally get the allure of exercise. When it was something I HAD to do, I hated it. Now that's it's something I LIKE to do, I find it much easier to fit it into my day. Imagine that!

Thank you, Jules for the award - you're so kind. I will respond shortly. And Merry, to share that photo of Hugh with me? It's just - well - I'm feeling a little verklempt about it.

I might still be a little lax about posting, depending on how things go, so bear with me. Hope you're all having a great week.

Say "Cheese"

Nope - sorry, this won't be a post about my usual favorite condiment, cheese, but just an entry to let you know that I'm taking a little breather here until some stressors start unwinding a bit. The root canal has taken on a life of its own as I had an allergic reaction to the second round of antibiotics prescribed to me last Friday. Hives and itching ensued for the next four days and Benadryl isn't an option for me. Pain and pressure are still present but now I've been referred back to my regular dentist for a temporary crown to see if that works. I'm starting to feel like a public works project. Hmmm, maybe I can get me some government stimulus money while I'm at it.

When this tooth thing got started I completely let myself go and indulged in all kinds of comfort food. Not this time. I'm keeping a close eye on that and am still exercising - although not at full capacity. I'll keep plugging away and have already alerted my hopes to not inflate themselves as this weight loss may slow with less exercise and more meds. So while I'm letting this issue and a few others work themselves out, I'll probably be reading more blogs than writing.

Cake & Advil - Contraindications That Matter

Take 4 times a day with food.
Doctor's orders :)

I've been feeling so guilty lately about not posting more regularly. I've been trying to keep up with everyone's news and so many of you are doing well. Congratulations and keep up the good work! I'll try to update more often and join the living once again.

Forgive me for whining but I'm still dealing with the f-ing root canal. I had to go to the endodontist again today for her to fix my bite with a little unannounced (and non-novocained) drilling and then she prescribed a second round of antibiotics. (It's like having Jack Bauer as a dentist, which really sucks if he takes you for a bad guy.) And as you've probably already learned about me by now, I'm a side-effect-aphobic and conspiracy theorist when it comes to my health, which means I've already snowballed this trouble into an early and tragic death. At times like these, I wish I had someone else's brain - say, for instance, Abby Normal. Anything would be a welcome change.

While feeling sorry for myself when this whole tooth thing first started, I did reach for the comfort food big time. And the Advil. Lots and lots of Advil. I've pulled myself back from the brink for the past couple of days but not without first wreaking some holy hell on what is supposed to be my weight loss efforts. I weighed myself today and I don't think "horrified" quite covers it - although compared to a few days ago, I look like Paris Hilton. While today's weigh-in yielded another pound up, earlier in the week I was up an additional 2.5 pounds. Something very freaky is going on with me these past couple of weeks which goes beyond the chocolate cake for breakfast. Maybe the meds and Advil have taken my metabolism hostage? But the cake wasn't a good idea either.

I was tempted not to weigh-in today, knowing the number would be a bad one. But I knew if I didn't, things really would've started rolling downhill very fast - and I can't afford to let that happen - again. If nothing else, at least I held myself accountable and will chalk this one up to experience.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Where's Mama's Mojo?

Talk about your bad days
Credit: verydemotivational

Oh brother, she's referring to herself in the third person again. All hands on deck.

It's true - I'm having another mojo crisis. It got triggered by the root canal but now it's taken on a life of its own. I used the pain to excuse my lapse back to bad behaviors - you know, "I'll take care of this when everything is right again." And you all know how that attitude can snowball into massive failure. And by the way? "Everything" is never right at the same time. In fact, it often can morph into Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong - and at the worst possible moment. Advice to self: suck it up.

I've gotten stuck on some mental glue that tells me I'm too old to do this weight loss thing and it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy. What was once a plateau now feels like a mountain. When I picked up the old Weight Watchers book I have from one of many memberships long, long ago and in a galaxy far, far away - I panicked! For some reason I just freaked out at having to count and measure again and it all pointed in one direction: deprivation. Is that a signal that I should go in another direction? Probably.

I did the Friday weigh-in and it was up another 1.6 pounds. I knew it would be bad and there's every possibility that that weigh-in didn't account for everything I did wrong in the past week. But it is just one moment in time and totally reversible.

I haven't given up but am getting angry at myself for wasting so much of my time and effort yet again. I'm working on not letting all the little molehills turn into a mountain.

Taking a Mulligan

Oh what a week it's already been!! As I'm sure you've already read, daily Cranky Fitness is coming to a close and so that means I must start looking for another job. I don't know how I'll be able to find as cool and funny a boss as Crabby or an easier commute....but it's time to move on. Luckily, she will be leaving the site up as a terrific resource with many helpful archived posts.

Yesterday was my root canal day. The pain had really cranked up over the weekend and the doctor prescribed some antibiotics. But imagine my surprise when I asked for some laughing gas (as this truly was no laughing matter) and she said she didn't have it. What?!! How am I going to get through this without flipping out/crying/barfing/screaming? Luckily, this is a Harvard Dental School grad who had some really potent novocaine so I didn't feel any pain - until it wore off. She didn't bill me for the finger indents on the arm of the chair or the teeth marks on her wrists. The Police were real nice about it too. They were already in the area.

The past week has been a haze of pain and bad decisions so I'm toying with the idea of taking a pass on my Friday weigh-in. No, I'll probably still do it but man, did things spin out of control these past few days. We'll see just how much come Friday. Pray for me.