I got to play tennis with my friend yesterday and she still kicked my ass. But I had a blast. I noticed there was a small window of time when I was playing very well...until she announced the score - and then it all started rolling downhill very fast. Just like the numbers on the scale - once I reach a new low (talking weight here so no snide remarks, please) the self-sabotage mode kicks in. I think it has something to do with low self-worth and feeling that somehow we're undeserving of success or happiness. Are we putting and keeping ourselves down before someone else does it for us? I don't know but I remember feeling that way growing up - if I could make fun of myself before someone else did then it wouldn't hurt so badly. But I'm an adult now and supposedly don't give a sh*t about what other people think. Still, it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks.
I've mentioned that being half Sicilian automatically makes me a world-class grudge holder. Yes, I can still remember the ashtray some cheapskate guest of our wedding gave us almost 18 years ago. I can still remember my college roommate making fun of me for chasing my boyfriend down the hall after an argument when her nickname was "The Stalker" for her unrelenting pick-up tactics in her ever unsuccessful search of an actual boyfriend of her own (and no, I'm not bitter - just catty). Being a world-class grudge holder means you excel at keeping score. But there's a distintion.
Keeping score of things like having a food journal or how much exercise you've done is a good thing. Counting your blessings every day is a good thing. It's GOOD to keep track of good things. Keeping score of times when you've dropped the ball or made an honest mistake is useless and self-defeating. When I see that new low number on the scale, I'm momentarily thrilled until I remember the last time I tried to lose weight and failed and how I'm just certain history is going to repeat itself again. Same with the tennis score. I've lost to her so many times that my mindset seems geared to just letting it happen every time we play - even if temporarily I'm outplaying her. These are not good things to keep track of. They keep us in the victim/Charlie Brown mode of "I can't do anything right". They keep us down and smother any chance of us reaching our full potentials in life.
I'm back to journaling my food and exercise again. Almost every day I use the wonderful cookware that another wedding guest gave us. I'm keeping a daily gratitude journal to focus on the good instead of the bad. I don't keep in touch with The Stalker anymore although I hear she's still on the prowl. You don't have to be Sicilian to know how to keep score - just be sure that it's the good things you're counting.
15 comments:
I've always wanted to be a tennis player! Sorry you lost, but it sounds like you had a good time!
I agree 100% that keeping track of things is really important. I know it has helped me all along my journey.
We're tennis crazy in Atlanta right now after Melanie Oudins big win! The sweet little girl from Marietta is suddenly headline news!
I think all of us self-sabotage in one way or another but recognizing when you're doing it and trying to change your thought patterns is the only way to stop. Sounds like you are totally on the right track and I'm going to try to follow in your footsteps this week!
It always seems to much easier to keep track of the bad things. Congrats of recognizing that and thanks for reminding me. :-)
Journaling has been the KEY to my weight loss. I lost at bocce yesterday :(
Excellent point Gigi! I try to remember that "thoughts become things" when I start having those negative or scary thoughts, and I am a lot better at squashing them than I use to be.
So you are cooking more! Maybe we will get some "Gigi Certified" recipes one of these days! :-)
This came at a good time for me. I just had a crappy week, and you've given me hope for getting myself back in the game. I'm kinda a self saboteur myself.
This was such a great post and what I needed to hear. I'm not half sicilian, but I keep score unfortunately! It's funny that I read your post just moments after a phone conversation with my sister who says certain relatives want to be back in my life. I keep remembering what they did in the past and it's hard to forget.
But, keeping score of blessings and everything that is right in my life is what I should focus on right now.
Thanks for an uplifting post!
I think we all have our besetting sins. I am not such a score-keeper, but I feel bad about being a wimp. Standard benchmarks like colonoscopy prep and dental cleanings (not "The Cavitron!") and childbirth leave me realizing I am somewhat high on the Wimp O Meter. But I find ways to compensate.
Maybe you could chant "LA LA LA" internally when your tennis partner is announcing the score!
Ahhh, self-sabotage...I know it well. Very interesting that you picked up on it.
I do better when I'm writing things down - food, workout schedule, where the money is being spent...I am all about the lists and my weekly desk calendar is usually covered with notations.
Glad you had fun playing tennis! I should get over my embarrassment and go play once in a while myself!
I'll make sure I never piss you off or give you a cheap gift. =)
Being 1/2 Sicilian as well, I know what you're talking about very well! It's something I have to work on constantly - letting go of grudges. We'll get there girl, just keep trying!
come to tx and teach me to play tennis please.
oooh.
if we attract what we think Im sooo gonna start thinking youre coming for a visit!
Miz.
I don't know why I can't get better at this--I also tend to "keep score" of negative numbers when it serves no purpose!
Thanks for the reminder that blessings are way better to count than mistakes or grudges.
I love tennis, great idea for exercise!
Great post. Great lesson!
Post a Comment