Who Will I Be If I Don't Lose This Weight?

"Who will I be if I don't lose this weight?" 

I read something similar to this statement in a book a few weeks ago.  I can't even remember which one but the essence of it was:  who will I be if I don't reach my goal?  It stopped me cold in my tracks.  Certainly I've known for a long time that I'm more than just a number on a scale, and yet time and time again I've failed to do the one thing that is always at the top of my list to accomplish.  I know losing weight won't solve all my other problems but it would certainly boost my self-confidence - not just for looking and feeling better but because I gave my all to something and made it happen.

I don't know when or how I fell into this mindset of not being able to accomplish things that are certainly within my power to change.  The rational side of me knows that I'll never weigh what I did when I was 21, but then again, I'm not the same person now as I was then.  I've always known my physical appearance would change, as would my views about the world and my place in it - evolving through the trials and tribulations of adulthood.  But I never thought I'd stop rising to a challenge.  I never thought I'd sell myself so short for so long.

While that famous saying from Apollo 13 - "failure is not an option" - has become as much of a mantra as Reebok's "just do it" to those of us looking for inspiration with our weight loss struggles, today's post title resonates with me even more.  Failure can in fact be a noble effort - if that effort meant giving it everything you had.  I've had to walk away from things I desperately wanted in my life but couldn't have because everything I had to work with wasn't enough.  That is noble failure - being able to walk away from it with your head held high, knowing that you gave it everything you had.  But that is not what I've done with my weight loss efforts.  I have NOT given it my all on a consistent basis.  I could never walk away from it now knowing I really didn't try my best.

So who will I be if I don't lose this weight?  I'd be someone who gave up on myself without trying my best to become better.  I have everything I need to succeed, but this time I will focus even more on perseverance and patience; two qualities I need to work very hard on developing.