Losing by Quitting?

Losing by quitting?  It seems I've tried just about everything else so why not this. 

So here's my current situation:  I've got at least 50 pounds to lose and my metabolism has gone the way of the covered wagon - I mean, it's just not there anymore.  For my birthday last year I asked my husband if I could join this pricey gym that offered small group personal training, as it too seemed to be one of the last things I hadn't tried in my varied weight loss schemes.  So I joined but was surprised that they also had their own eating plan too - and that's when I froze.  I was going for the exercise aspect - not looking for yet another food plan.  My membership expired last week and while I didn't GAIN, I most likely took the prize for least amount of weight lost.

I tell my husband I'm really struggling and he suggests joining Weight Watchers together.  I jump at yet another chance to lose by following someone else's plan.  Since February of this year, the husband lost 22 pounds (of the 25 he wants to lose) - I lost 8.  Hmmm - what's my problem with formalized weight plans?  I really gave this a lot of thought and I think it comes down to this feeling I get of being scrutinized and judged.  I always felt like my mother and her thin friends were looking over my shoulder, making sure I followed everything to the letter.  I'm hard enough on myself without that Greek chorus adding their two cents.  So the more scrutinized and pressured I felt to lose weight this way, the more I rebelled - even though my two most recent blood sugar tests came back "pre-diabetic".  So I quit Weight Watchers.

I suppose I sound like one of those good-intentioned people who has more excuses than solutions - and maybe that's so.  The good news is that I'm using my food journal and exercising every day.  I've even starting blogging again.  But the other piece of the puzzle I'm adding that I never thought to before is becoming more interested in my life again.  Sounds crazy, I know, but for the past ten years my focus has been on a child who was frequently operating at Def Con 3 - it's been like waking up to a live grenade every day - I wasn't quite sure when he was going to go off but he always did.  Thankfully, he's in a much better place this year and it has caught me offguard.  Now that I actually don't have to spend my days putting out fires and talking with people who have judged me according to my teen's behavior, I find that I've lost a lot of myself in all that drama.  I had to push it all aside to keep my teen from that tipping point that tipped the wrong way - and, fingers crossed, I think he may be past the worst of it.  So this last part of my "Plan" is going to revolve around enjoying life again and finding that happy spirit that I know is in me somewhere.