Shaky Foundations and Faulty Wiring

I've been away for much longer than I ever thought.  I guess the most reasonable explanation is that I've been in a kind of renovation phase.  Realizing that many of my coping skills and thought processes were only digging me into a deeper hole, I decided to step back, cry "uncle" and put things right.

Maybe it was just an identity crisis or yet another symptom to be filed under that vague, catch-all "menopause" - but I didn't think so.  It felt more ominous than that, like Oz's flying monkeys duking it out with Hitchcock's "The Birds".  Talk about your creature double-feature.  (My money's on the monkeys)  It felt like I had built much of my life upon a cracked foundation - and we money pit patsies home owners know how costly and devastating that can be.  I kept trying, and failing, to lose this weight, even with the dire threat of my past 3 blood tests coming back pre-diabetic.  Always inching toward and eventually crossing other daunting thresholds like sleep apnea, high cholesterol, fat cells in my liver, and regular stops at Lane Bryant still hadn't shocked me out of my stupor.  Instead of branding myself a loser, which is my usual default setting, I decided to step back - way back, like to the Continental Divide - and fix what was broken.  And because I'd been putting it off for so long, my punch list was longer than the line outside Chucky Cheese during school vacation week.

I searched for and found an excellent "contractor" (no, not the kind you find in Angie's List) who has so far tried to get me back on solid footing.  Daily affirmations, gratitude journals and being less judgmental about myself were the order of the day.  Okay - I get that it sounds like any number of old Oprah episodes but it was - and is - starting to work, but I really have to commit to it until it gets to be second nature.  I also decided to put more things I really love back into my life, like tennis and writing and face-to-face get-togethers with friends, instead of following the crowd into achieving maximum Facebook "friendings" (and yes - those "friends" from Zimbabwe and Turkmenistan are completely legit!) and touting my child's academic success on a bumper sticker.  But hey, it's all about whatever makes you feel good about yourself.  But...and this is a big but (pun obviously intended)...that good feeling has to come from within.  I've learned that outside validation - from whatever source - is never so potent as what comes from within.

There are still some wiring issues and bats in the attic that need attending to.  I've finally figured out that there will - for me - never be just a single, illuminating "A-HA!!" moment that will suddenly have the entire construction crew from "This Old House" at my doorstep ready to do my bidding - at no cost to me, by the way.  I have instead found that inspiration can come from any number of sources and it is up to me to decide which to choose and incorporate into my blueprint and which to ignore.  I especially find Diane's excellent Fit to the Finish blog uplifting.  With every post she brings a message of hope and inspiration - and she should know - she lost 150 pounds and has kept it off.  Other fabulous blogs that I find meaning, compassion and humor in - without fail - are Crabby McSlacker's Cranky Fitness, Shelley's My Journey to Fit (Formerly A Forty-Something's Weight Loss Journey) and Carla's Mizfitonline.  I would also like to mention a book by Martha Beck entitled The Four-Day Win:  End Your Diet War and Achieve Thinner Peace.  She tackles the emotional tangles that can hamper our weight-loss efforts before we're even out of the starting gates.  For a lot of us, it isn't always just about eating less and moving more - mind prep has A LOT to do with a successful outcome. 

I will do my best to post more regularly.  I love the blogging community and all the support that we lend each other while learning to do what's best for ourselves at the same time.  Sounds like a win-win to me.

Boston